Her fragile heart

8 - Just give me a reason

"And the baby?" I whisper.

The doctor looks down and I know the answer. He shakes his head, my world falls apart and I just break down. I make animalistic sounds as I cling onto my legs that are tucked up to my chest. I don't know why but I do cry, actually cry and I don't stop.

"Was the baby a boy or a girl?" I hear Alice whisper.

"A girl" the doctor says and leaves us to grieve.

"This wasn't meant to happen!" I sob "She was meant to grow up and I'd have to tease her about boyfriends, I was meant to keep her safe, It's my fault... It's all my fault. If I hadn't gotten distracted I might still have my daughter, the one person in the whole wide world I was meant to protect till the end and she's gone. I never saw her smile, I never heard her first words, I never even got to choose her name with bella yet. I'm not going to have my little girl put her arms around my neck as I carry her to bed and tuck her in and tell her how much I love her. Oh god, I never even got to tell her how much I loved her, how she was my whole world and that I'd do anything for her. I was meant to tell her how beautiful she was every single day and I can't... she's gone. Oh Lord, what did I do to deserve this? What did we do so wrong that we couldn't have her?" I begin rocking again. "My baby girl, taken from the world without even having the chance to live. It's all my fault" I feel someone pull me into their arms as I sob and scream. "

"I'm damned, I told Bella that but she always sees the good, why couldn't she see me like the man I am? Evil. I killed my own baby didn't I?" I get shushed and rocked by someone I know too well. Esme. "You were right Esme but I'm much more than an idiot."

A nurse knocks on the door, "You can meet her if you'd like."

I hold her in my arms and instantly choke up, she is so cold. So fragile, so tiny.

"I didn't know today would be our last, or that I'd have to say goodbye to you so fast, I'm so numb that I can't feel anything anymore. I just wished someone would tell me I am only dreaming and that I'd open my eyes and I'd still be waiting for you to do the same. You will never be forgotten, baby girl. I know, we don't understand why,but you weren't meant for this place but a place far greater than here. You'd have looked just like your mummy, you know? Her hair and skin tone. I'm so, so sorry. I will never forgive myself for what I've done princess and if I could possibly take your place I do it without hesitation. You deserve way more than me but I love you. Daddy, will always, always love you." I whisper and cuddle her into my chest, very gently.

"Sir." A voice calls. "Your wife has just woken up, I'd thought you and you little girl should be the first ones to see her."

"Does she know?" I whisper my voice strangled and the nurse nods her head and leads me to a little room on a ward, not in the ICU. She shows me which one but I already know from the sobs coming out of it.

I enter the room and her teary eyes immediately reach my ones. When we do we both break down sobbing. I place our little girl between us and I lie next to Bella on the hospital bed. I don't say anything and neither does she, both are eyes fixed on our baby girl. I hold her as she sobs and she does the same for me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

She shakes her head a sad smile on her lips and grabs my hand.

"Don't you ever, ever blame yourself for this, Okay? What happened was a complete accident that absolutely no-one could have predicted. Don't beat yourself up for something we couldn't do anything about."

"But Bella, Alice doesn't think it was an accident." Before I can even explain she presses her lips to mine, tears cascading down her cheeks.

"Not now, Edward" she whispers.

After a few minutes of silence I ask her the question that has been on both of our minds.

"What shall we name her?"

"Elizabeth, after your mother. A beautiful name for my beautiful girl." She muses and nods her head in certainty.

My eyes fill with venom. "Really?"

She smiles and cuddles into me and smiles but it isn't fully there.

After a little while a nurse comes in and says we need to take her back down to the cot, thing she has in what I assume to be a morgue for a baby. Bella asks me to give her a minute and I do but as I watch Bella's loving eyes start to whisper to Elizabeth's unmoving figure it just makes me realise the certainty of this. I'm not going to wake up, this nightmare really is reality

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-alwaystwilight

xx