My Pen Pal: Jack Barakat

Chapter Three - Lullaby

Jack’s POV

I sat in the studio with Rian and Zack as Alex stood in the vocal booth, placing down some new lyrics over an audio track. I sighed and twirled the bracelet around my wrist. “Yo Jack.” I looked up at Rian. “Yeah?”

“I thought Holly gave you that bracelet along with a matching one before you broke up years ago?”

“Yeah but I never wore it when we were together and then Holly gave me hers back when we broke up.”

“How come you’re wearing it now then?” He raised an eyebrow at me and Zack also looked up, joining in. “I told you about that pen pal project I accepted for some kids in England right?” They both nodded at me. “Well this girl called Danni was picked for me and she has a pretty tough life so I sent her the other matching bracelet to keep her safe. She’s been a fan of our music for seven years as well so I thought why not?” I saw them both smile at me and then Rian laughed a little. “I think you’ve got a little crush on this girl perhaps Jack?”

“Dude, she’s only seventeen!”

“I was joking.” Were you really though Rian? I felt my cheeks burning bright red. “I’m going to go outside and catch some air.” I stood up and made my way towards the door of the studio and then Rian make a sarcastic remark. “More like to try and clear your head of the thoughts of Danni?” I opened the door and slammed it behind me.

I stood against the wall, feeling the bitter cold wind hitting my face. “I don’t like a seventeen year old girl who lives all the way across the other side of the world. Why can’t he see that?” I took a deep breath of the chilly air and exhaled it back out. I couldn’t wait to receive another letter from Danni. I worried about her even though I’d only heard from her once and I’d never met her in person. I was already attached to her and that’s possibly what made me look like I liked her in that way. Alex came outside and leaned against the wall beside me. “So the guys just told me about this Danni girl you’re writing to.” I grunted. “They think I love her in some romantic way. She’s seventeen. It would be incredibly wrong!” Alex chuckled, hitting me in the side lightly. “I know dude. I think Rian was only joking anyway.” I rolled my eyes. “It didn’t seem like he was.” A silence fell among us both. “We need to announce the March tour for England today actually. Do you think she’d come along to a show?”

“I’ve only received one letter from her so far and sent one back to her so I’ll have to wait. I might put my Skype username in the next letter so we can talk more easily.” I looked over at Alex and he was grinning at me. “What’s up with you?”

“You really like her don’t you? I don’t mean in the way Rian meant by the way.”

“I’m worried about her home life Alex. She’s too young to be going through the stuff she has to go through.” He pushed himself away from the wall. “Well I hope we can meet her on the tour. She sounds like a pretty awesome person. We best get back in the studio. It’s freezing out here.” Alex walked back in and I followed him.

Danielle’s POV

When I got home that night I began writing the letter back to Jack straight away, letting all of the emotions that were bottled inside of me out.

Hi Jack.

Today at college wasn’t the best as always. I haven’t said before but I get bullied in college and outside of college as well. Sometimes it gets too much and I try to harm myself but lately I’ve kept myself calm by looking at the posters I have of you guys on my bedroom walls. I hope that doesn’t sound freaky. Thank you for the bracelet by the way. I’ve worn it since I received it and it’s helped go strong the extra mile. The photo is so cute too!

Let me tell you about what happened at college today anyway.

The usual boys from the year above me in college today basically picked on me. They call me pathetic and just stupid stuff. I managed to walk out and just ignore it all by sitting on a bench outside and messing around with the bracelet you gave me. The photo really helped me to calm down too.

Also if you’re wondering, I’ve seen you guys live once. It was on the Don’t Panic tour back in February. I had to leave the crowd with my best friend during the second support act though. The crowd was insane and we just couldn’t breathe! Not to mention I got elbowed in the back of the head so I felt slightly dizzy. I still watched your performance from the back/side of the crowd though and I loved every second of it. When Alex performed Remembering Sunday and Therapy I cried my eyes out, especially during Therapy. I did apply for meet and greet for that day but I didn’t get it.

I hope you guys are coming back soon so I can try out for meet and greet again but at the same time I hope you’re not. My family doesn’t really have any money at the moment so I can’t afford to go to anymore concerts. It really upsets me sometimes because everyone else I know goes to the ones I want to go to whilst I’m left at home crying in my bedroom.

Please write back soon,

Danni x

I stuffed the letter in an envelope and stuck a first class stamp on the corner. I didn’t want to leave my room at this time of night, especially when I was feeling like shit too. I’d post the letter in the morning. I didn’t want to risk bumping into the bullies again.

I curled up in my bed later that night, looking onwards at the many All Time Low posters in front of me on my wall, surrounded by fairy lights. It calmed me down. It always did. It captivated me so much because it felt like they were looking back at me and telling me that everything is going to be okay and that it’ll all eventually get better. I twirled the bracelet Jack had sent me around my wrist, thinking about the thought of not seeing them on their next UK tour. It kind of hurt because I knew that if I had the money to go it would be a 50/50 chance of meeting them again. I wanted that to happen so badly. Screaming and shouting coming from downstairs interrupted my thoughts and I sat up. It was my mum as always. I’d normally put my earphones in and put my music up full blast when this happens but they were downstairs and I couldn’t go and fetch them during the whole situation. “WHY DOES SHE ALWAYS SIT IN HER ROOM AND SULK?!”

“BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS DRINK AND IT UPSETS HER.”

“I DO NOT UPSET HER!” I covered my ears with my hands. I didn’t want to hear any of this. The sound of the chat on Facebook beeped on my computer and I looked up. My best friend Helena had messaged me.

‘Hey is everything okay? If it isn’t you might want to listen to a song called Lullaby by Nickelback. It’ll help you out. I promise you my Jacky <3’

I smiled at the message and even though I didn’t have my earphones on me, I decided to search the song on YouTube and play it out loud. I turned it up loud enough to block out the shouting coming from downstairs and I lay back, staring at my wall of posters and lights again. I closed my eyes, listening to the lyrics.

So just give it one more try to a lullaby,

And turn this up on the radio,

If you can hear me now,

I’m reaching out,

To let you know that you’re not alone,

And if you can’t tell I’m scared as hell,

‘Cause I can’t get you on the telephone,

So just close your eyes,

Oh, honey here comes a lullaby,

Your very own lullaby.

I started crying. The tears rolled down my cheeks and I typed back to Helena.

‘Thank you so much. It’s beautiful <3.’

‘You’re welcome <3.’

I smiled again. I knew I was loved by my best friend and Jack. I felt happy and peaceful. This would probably only last for a bit though.