Spiral

Together

The morning went fast. He anticipated her knock the whole time, hoping she'd get there sooner than she said she was going to. Syler was having fantasies about everything. His delusions were coming back to him. He knew they were bound to sooner or later, as the high from puking and smoking only lasted so long. The shadows crawled back into their corner again to observe him and, if it was silent enough, whisper words to him. Syler tended to ignore the corner. It just made his paranoia worse than it already was by just existing. Syler obsessively checked his phone all morning just so he could know if Lauren was planning on coming any earlier. He loved her. He loved the way that she would take his fear away for the time that he could hold her or be around her. He never wanted her to leave, but he knew she had a life outside of just him. Syler heard a knock that was placed on his door.

"Syler. Mom's calling you for lunch." It was Jess. Syler sighed. After the encounter in the morning. He truly didn't want anyone to talk to him about his eating habits or his body, or the fact that he had lost, what he was guessing, 20 pounds. Syler groaned. He knew he couldn't get out of it, but he also knew he didn't want to end up puking afterwards. Syler realized he was stuck. He had to eat and keep it down.

Syler was in denial. He denied he had issues with self sabotage and with food. He was only trying to find a way to cope with the true issues that swarmed his brain. He used the self-sabotage to try and downplay the fact that he was beginning to lose his mind. The shadows were becoming more violent. They surrounded him. They started to appear in broad daylight as well as in the dark. He began to feel out of control with his thoughts. It felt as if there were two identities inside his mind. He felt the hooded creature,the thing which he feared the most, it was almost as if it was beginning to manifest itself inside of his brain. He started to feel the delusions of this hooded creature and his own thoughts start to mash together in his head. The thought of killing another human being crossed Syler's mind a lot. He sometimes could look at someone in the street, and sometimes he'd get the itch to pull them aside and find the most painful way to kill them. Syler feared himself in these moments, he felt as if he wasn't himself in these moments. It was like someone else had taken his mind over and he had to muster his whole mental energy to keep his body as his own. He truly felt like he was losing it sometimes. Syler could feel his dreams start to morph into reality. He didn't know how to stop himself sometimes. He started to become addicted to pain, he used it as a means of control to his thoughts. He would only feel human after burning his skin or puking his guts out, or even carving deep lines in his skin that were not deep enough to kill him, but also deep enough to cause lasting damage. Self-sabotage kept Syler sane when he felt his brain unraveling.

Syler walked downstairs. He was dreading the thought of having to keep food down, but he knew that being admitted to a facility where he'd be treated for an eating disorder he swore he didn't have, his thoughts would just get worse until he would end up losing touch with himself and becoming fully consumed by the shadows. Syler calmly walked towards the kitchen. His heart was racing, palpitating even, and his anxiety run high. He looked at what his mom had set on the table. A sandwich. He looked at it and he felt stomach acid begin to churn. Syler sat down, his mother's watchful eyes kept themselves on Syler as he sat down.

"Syler, eat, I'm done fighting with you." His mom said, with intent in her voice that told Syler that he was going to be watched like a hawk. He knew that she thought that he had some severe eating disorder as well. Syler denied it many times. He knew he didn't. He swore to himself that he didn't. He looked at the sandwich with panic. His stomach was already prepared to puke up the sandwich. He took a half into his hand, and he took a bite. His mother smiled as he did, but Syler felt nothing but fear. He looked up.

"I'm really not hungry. Can I eat the rest later?" Syler asked. He knew his mother would say no, but he knew there wasn't any damage in trying. His mother looked at him, her eyes sternly burning a hole into his eyes.