Spiral

Cold

Time passed, it was almost an hour before Syler heard the knock on his door, which meant his mother would be complaining about his lack of breakfast. Syler made his way back into his room and put his blanket back on the bed.

"Yeah?" He asked toward the person who was on the other side of the door.
"I made pancakes if you want some." His mom said, and Syler contemplated if he wanted food that day. It was rare these days for him to want food at all, but he knew he needed something if he was due to work a shift later.

"I'll be down in a bit." Syler called out to his mother.

"Good." She said, and then made her way back down the stairs. Syler put on a different shirt and made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen. He got a plate out of the cupboard and put a pancake on it. His mom eyed him, he could feel the judgement of her eyes closely on all of his actions. He grabbed a fork and sat at the table. He started to slowly eat the pancake. It tasted good, that was for sure. He didn't hate the taste. He just hated the feeling of actually having food in him, as if it was going to feed the maggots that resided in his veins. He fought himself through every bite, as he could feel the maggots starting to squirm in his veins. They weren't the most comfortable thing to feel in this time, but Syler told himself he'd deal with them later.

He finished the pancake and then he put the plate in the sink. His anxiety was starting to rise again, and the only thought that was crossing his mind was to puke. He just wanted to puke everything up again. He hated the feeling of the squirming throughout his veins.

"Is that all you're eating?" His mom asked, and Syler nodded. His body language expressed that he was clearly annoyed with the question.

"Yeah? Will that be a problem?" Syler asked, his voice was clearly irritated.

"I was just wondering, also are you working later?" She asked, and Syler nodded.
"Yeah, at three." Syler said.
"Sounds great, have fun." His mom said, and Syler walked back up to his room. He felt the maggots starting to pulse. He wanted to puke again, just out of pure disgust for the feeling his veins pulsing, bursting it seemed. His heart rate picked up and he started to lose his breath, which made finding it a challenge.

Syler walked into the bathroom. His heart was now in full-on panic mode. His breathing was fast and short. The maggots felt as if they were bursting now. Syler felt no pain through this, which surprised him. It felt as real as anything else to him. He got glimpses of the real world. He knew in the back of his mind that this wasn't real. He knew it wasn't real, but he didn't care. The feeling was overwhelming to him, so he followed through. He grabbed the shaving razor blade that he had taken from the rest of the razor a while ago. He stood by the sink, his legs shaking, and his heart still beating nearly out of his chest. He raised the blade to his forearm veins and he started to draw deep lines where he felt pulsing. He made sure he cut them deep enough so that the maggots were able to escape.

Syler had finished this deed, his heart started to calm itself down as the blood ran down his arm and into the sink. The blood stained the white porcelain of the sink basin. Syler felt a sense of relief wash over him. It made his heart start to calm down again, and his brain felt at ease. Syler let the burning sensation continue for a while before he wrapped up the wounds in some gauze.

He usually regretted cutting himself or burning himself an hour or so after he did the deed, as he realized he now had more scars he had to cover up or create believable excuses for the fact that he had burn scars and white and brown lines all over his skin. It became more and more exhausting to him as time continued to come up with new excuses. He looked down at the bandages, he was thankful that these were covered. It only dawned upon him about later. What if Zane asked while they were working later. Syler didn't know what he'd say. He assumed he might as well just say the truth. Zane would understand him, he hoped at least. He trusted Zane like a brother, and he hoped Zane would keep quiet about the things that Syler had already told him. Syler had told him a lot about his dreams, especially about his younger encounters, and Zane kept these quiet from the world. Syler noticed that Zane was becoming more and more protective about him, and started top ush Syler to ntry and look for help, but Syler knew that he didn't want it. He was gone, whatever was happening with his brain was consuming him fully. He just wanted to waste away from his own self-destruction.