In Case of Heartbreak

19 | kiss

"Uh sure, no problem," I said, suddenly realizing that a small amount of nervousness had seeped into my words as a question circled the forefront of my mind.

The line was quiet for a moment, almost as if she was waiting for me to say something else, but I didn't. When it was evident that I wasn't going to be the one to talk next, she asked, "Everything alright Katie?"

"I, uh," I cleared my throat, biting my lip anxiously, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"You've known Dean a long time, right?"

A light laugh escaped her lips, resonating her amusement through the phone as she replied. "Ever since I started seeing Ryan four years ago, yes. Why?"

I sighed, dragging my fingers backwards through my hair. "I don't know, it's just, last night – "

"Uh oh," she said, cutting off my mix of words, "What did he do?"

"Nothing," I replied, shaking my head as though it'd help me get my thoughts straight. "I went with him to the basketball game yesterday, and even though it seemed like he didn't want to, we went to the after party with his teammates. The night picked up a bit and he appeared to be having fun, and when we got back to mine everything seemed normal. We'd slept in the same bed before so that wasn't awkward, but before he fell asleep he kissed me and I completely froze."

I stopped my rambling, chewing nervously on my lip as she was quiet for a moment, mulling over what she'd heard. When I heard her release an airy breath, I certainly hadn't expected for her to say, "Finally!"

"Finally?" I repeated with confusion.

"Come on Katie," she mused, "You and I both know that the two of you have never been just friends." I opened my mouth to interject, but Zoe simply continued talking. "Dean's accident and your mom's passing made the both of you push your feelings aside and focus on what was important, but now that you're both moving on with your lives, or at least trying to, I think you're both inching towards the line that separates the two of you being just friends and something more."

I knew she was right, of course, but that didn't mean there wasn't a small pull in my chest at the possibility of coming clean with my feelings. "And what if it doesn't work out?" I asked, my voice quiet, feeling as though I'd shrunk to half my size.

Zoe was quiet for a moment. "You're scared," she stated bluntly, though there was compassion and understanding laced around her words.

"I'm terrified."

"Well don't be," she said, as though it was that simple to calm my racing heart whenever he was around. "From what I can tell he cares about you a lot, and all you have to do is be brave enough to start that conversation about being something more."

"So I won't be making a fool of myself?"

"No Katie," she said softly, "And, if you're anything like I was a few years back, you'll be a lot happier when you get everything off your chest."

"Thanks," I said, genuinely thankful for the advice.

"Anytime."

Hanging up the phone, I sat still for a few moments, relishing in the silence that blanketed the apartment as I breathed deeply. It didn't know how much time I had before Dean would wake up, but I knew I had to build up the confidence to talk to him before he did.

−−−−−−−−−−

It just so happened that Dean didn't wake up until it approached mid-day. There were no floorboards creaking as I showered and got dressed, or any clues that he was here at all as I made myself breakfast, deciding to make the most of the quiet time.