Relationships

My Father

He would just came and go like he wanted too. At the time it didn't hurt my feelings, hence I didn't know why  he was leaving. He was never emotionally, mentally or even physically leaving us. But when my sister and I came to the reasons...it shattered us. To realise that your own father had taken woman  after woman  while your mother was expecting you, while she was breastfeeding you, nourishing you. An entire lifetime of memories turned to dust. Scorched to nothing under the sun. You feel betrayed, even though he was your father and not your husband. I felt cheated, wondering if maybe those birthday and Christmas presents I never got were given to some other child.

When I found out the truth, my fathers skeletons just kept coming and coming...until I had experienced enough pain and demanded answers to my questions as to why he would sacrifice his relationship with me. Suddenly when I was around him I wasn't even comfortable in my own skin. I felt violated. Disgusted. All these words were tumbling inside my head as I struggled to cope with everything on my plate. It was unfair. I didn't even get to choose what I had to eat and digest. Someone served me my problems on a silver platter. They choose what I had for lunch...dinner...breakfast. I'm quite disgusted with myself for comparing something as wonderful as food to the unwashed dishes that symbolizes my wretched life. You don't have to worry, I'm not depressed. I've made peace with those problems I once called demons...I just thought it would help someone if I told my story. Because I know what lies can do to a single person, not even to mention a family. It took me three years to accept, cry, believe, and work out my anger with my problem. I'm still stuck with him though.

Remember if you have a problem, there are always three keys. Always. No matter what.

Hope.

Trust.

Love. Or in some cases pure passion...meaning, yes, I am pointing out to the fact that you did not do your Math homework, but it's cool. Cause you certainly have hope that the teacher will forget to take your worksheet. You have trust that the Lord doesn't hate you that much, to throw you to the lions. And you have a true passion for abhorring the person that thought Mathematics was an essential class.

So do me a favour...and walk with me through this journey. As I can tell you a thing or two about those three keys. And maybe a little soemthing about the needed presense of courage.