Cupid's Contract

Augustus Gloop

Getting out of bed the next morning was possibly the hardest task Eve had ever performed. Including birth. And Eve had it on very good authority that she was one of the most difficult labours ever conceived. Her own midwife, a cantankerous woman with a career spanning more than twenty years, had informed Barbara that she had never witnessed a child less willing to be born. Guinevere Higgins would have happily paid rent, if it meant staying in her safe, cosy womb another few weeks, it seems.

In retrospect, some twenty something years later, Eve was inclined to believe that Baby Eve had the right idea. Hindsight was perfect vision, and her fluid cocoon sounded pretty swell right now, if a little moist.

The commute home from the Juice Bar had been like a dream, and Eve had soothed her aching muscles with a steamy bath before collapsing into a dreamless sleep, not a worry on her mind.

This morning, however? Not so much. Eve had more worries than she had brain cells, this morning.

Between hobbling about on cramping legs and struggling to sit onto the toilet, Eve panicked about her failed mission the evening previously and sweated over the impending Andrew meeting at work today. She had not yet been officially informed of the meeting, Laura's remark the only clue. In some respects it was a blessing that she had been so distracted with Laura's love life the previous evening, otherwise Eve surely would have lost sleep over the affair.

As far as her failure to secure the future of Laura and Daniel... Laniel... Daura...? Eve had yet to hear from Cupid and she was yet to decide whether or not that was a good sign. Lack of contact could mean that she had utterly ruined any hope of a relationship between the two, all her chat of gangrenous breasts not much of an aphrodisiac, and Cupid had given up on Eve's half of the bargain.

Something told Eve it wouldn't be that easy though.

More likely, the cherub in question was planning some sort of mortifying display, sure to humiliate Eve and highlight her Love-Spy inadequacies.

Something to look forward to on your average, boring Tuesday, then.

Slipping into a pencil skirt, she grabbed her makeup bag and squirted some perfume into the air, walking under the cloud of aroma the way her grandmother had taught her as a child. Smiling at the memory, she grabbed her coat, the familiar voice ringing in her ears.

You want to leave a whisper of a scent, child. A breeze of romance, not a tornado of assault... Eve could still remember the deep chuckle her grandfather had given when she had repeated Barbara's words to him. He had caught her playing with her grandmother's makeup and had coughed as he entered the room, now filled with a near-toxic amount of perfume.

"That woman is the closest thing to a tornado I've ever seen..." The words echoed down the stairs as Eve left the apartment, his humour evident in her own voice as she repeated them in the empty hallway.

The walk to work that morning took longer than usual, Eve's pace hindered by her aching muscles, but the office was still empty when she arrived. Too sore to make the extra trip to her coffee shop, she settled at her desk and began the ritual of applying her makeup, foregoing eyeliner as her arms shook from the delayed onset of muscle spasms. She was just tidying up her makeup bag when Veronica appeared in her cubicle, an anxious look on her face.

"Have you heard?" Her usually soothing tones were squeaky and her hands were wringing nervously.

"Heard what? How much caffeine have you had this morning?" Eve could smell the coffee beans on Ronnie's breath from her desk, and it made her a little bit jealous, albeit concerned. If her best friend was perturbed, there was a good reason.

"Not enough, Vera. Not enough."

Eve grimaced at the nickname, but let it slide. "Go on, what is it?" She was getting apprehensive herself.

"Harper and Harper Junior are holding department meetings today with all of the Heads. Some group thing and then solo one-on-ones. They're going to make us talk targets and appraisals and who knows what else!!" Veronica's normally smooth skin had taken on a ruddy tone, and her hands were twisting with more fervour now.

"All right, all right, settle down! No need to lose the plot, Ron. What's the big deal? You've done a million meetings before. That is literally your job." It was rare that Eve was the one calming down her friend, and not the other way around. If the position wasn't filled with such responsibility, she might have taken a moment to bask in her new power. Spiderman's burden was all the more understandable now.

"No! No it's not! I'm in marketing! My job is to make things look pretty and advertise things! I sell stuff. I don't do boss meetings!" She was working herself into a tizzy and it was frightening to watch. Like the unravelling of an intricate rug, if said rug was made of thorns and crazy person.

"Veronica, you need to simmer down. Your job is to sell stuff, ok? So just sell yourself! Tell them about all the amazing clients you've landed since they promoted you. Plus, what do you mean you don't do meetings? Um, hello, how did you get all those clients in the first place? You took a meeting with Barkers in the middle of a football stadium! He's one of our biggest clients and you landed him surrounded by drunk men and came out smelling of roses."

"Yes but that's not the same as one-on-one time with our CEO!" Her hands had stilled but she was chewing furiously on her bottom lip.

"No, it's worse! The Harpers already know you're great, that's why they hired you and promoted you. Ted Barker had never heard of you before and you won him over and then some! He tried to get you to marry his son, remember?" Eve rifled through Daniel's desk drawer, searching for dark chocolate.

"Oh, that was terrible. He kept sending me requests on Facebook. I had to delete my account, remember?" She took the bar and unwrapped it, no questions asked, shovelling the cocoa into mouth.

"But you were fine. If you can handle having a billionaire's son stalk you online, I'm sure you can handle twenty minutes of our boss praising you. If anything, Harper will probably try and set you up with Sandy, too. Women really don't belong in the workplace, you know? They need a nice handsome husband to keep a clean kitchen for." Eve pouted dramatically and Veronica granted her a smile, her teeth stained with the treat.

"Ok, deep breaths now, lovely pal of mine. All will be fine. I'm HR, remember? If there was a problem with you, I'd be the one counselling you, right?"

She tucked her hair behind her ears and nodded, her lip finally freed from her chocolate-covered teeth.

"But do me a favour and gargle some water before you do anything else, ok? I can't decide if you look like one of the children from Willy Wonka or just a heroin addict right now, but either way it isn't a good look."

Veronica ran her tongue along her teeth, wrinkling her nose as she did so. "If I'm Augustus Gloop does that mean I don't get to marry Sandy anymore? He's actually pretty hot. I wouldn't mind. Much better than Ned Barkers, anyway." She shivered dramatically at the latter name.

Unbidden, Eve scowled as Drew's dimples and smirk materialised in her mind. As if she needed another reason to dislike the creep. If he started harassing Veronica there was no telling what she would do. Cupid better watch his damn locket, because if it decreed love for Veronica and Drew, she'd shove it where the sun couldn't shine, and dirty hands would be the least of his worries retrieving it.

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Ahhhh! I'm at #183!!! Not too shabby, you guys!!!

Thank you SOOO much for voting and reading... I'm so pleased that people are actually interested in my little story! It gives me endless pleasure. 

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