When I return - A Red Queen AU

Chapter 11

Mare's POV

The early morning rays of sunlight pierce through the window and shine on my face, waking me up abruptly. Cal snores beside me, happy to sleep on a comfortable bed instead of the sleeping bags in the Choke's base camp. Maven and Cal don't get better sleeping quarters, receiving the same treatment that the other soldiers get. I sit up on the bed and instantly feel lightheaded, almost nauseous when I prop myself up and lean on the headboard. Cal's warmth is soothing, reminding me that he's here with me and not out fighting the unbeatable battle for a piece of barren land.

Why are they even fighting for it if it's useless?

I jolt when my foot accidentally touches his cold metal leg. He said that he'll get a proper one today after he gets it checked. I sigh at the thought and turn on my side, reaching for the glass of water on the bedside table. As I pick up the cup, I notice a stack of letters, neatly tied together in a bundle.

Curiosity is the death of me and I reach out, picking them up and placing them on my lap. The envelopes are a light shade of brown, the colour eventually fading the lower it is in the pile. Some of their corners are either bent or slightly torn, the adhesive on some of the envelopes peeling off. I recognise the handwriting in the middle of every note, most of them addressed...

...to me?

The last note is different than the others. The envelope stands out as the only white envelope in the bundle, 'PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL' in big bold letters stamped across the printed text addressing it to Cal. It also happens to be the only letter that has already been opened.

I glance at Cal over my shoulder before looking back at the envelopes, hastily opening every one of them and taking out the letters to read.

***

December 3, 319 NE

My dearest Mare,

It pains me to realise that I'll be away from you for the next month. It hasn't been a full day and I already miss you deeply.

I'm strapped in on the Blackrun. Everyone is asleep behind me, well, except for Shade. He apparently never runs out of energy. He's been bugging me with questions about you.

I wonder if I'll ever pass these to you in the future. Heck, for all I know I placed these in a very obvious place in my room once I get home.

I love you, never doubt my love for you.

***

December 5, 319 NE

I'm sorry Mare.

I failed you. I broke my promise. I couldn't get the doctor that was supposed to save your life. I failed. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Please forgive me. I can't lose you. I can't lose another loved one, especially after I lost Mom. I'll find a way, I'll get another doctor for your treatment. I swear by my colours I will.

I lost my leg yesterday. I stepped on a damn mine and it blew my leg off. It hurts whenever I have to walk with it and running is agony but the pain is tolerable after a while. I hope you don't blame yourself for it, even though I know you'll insist it's your fault.