Stuck with a clouded judgement

Chapter 9

And it all makes sense to me

I was cursing myself and Maddie for being so reckless. Of course Niall would come and visit her and of course he would bring the rest of the guys. I told my mother that I needed to lay down for a bit and she told me not to worry about helping her. I went to bed and as soon as I closed my door I broke down again. Did I really want my child to grow up without a father? No, I didn't but what was I supposed to do? I didn't love Liam at all, I mean before I had a small fan girl crush but that was it. He was a great guy but since I knew he could never be more than a celebrity to me I didn't let my heart feel anything for him. I couldn't help but to think about what the other guys would think. Niall would hate me and Maddie for lying to him. Louis already dislikes me so that was only going to build. Harry would feel hurt that I didn't tell him and Zayn would probably be angry like Niall. I hoped that Liam would have some sense and not tell them but if I had learned anything following them trough their carrier it was that they were like brothers. They told each other everything and this would be one of those things. I also hoped that when Harry or Niall would want to come here he would tell them no and that I didn't want him in my life.

I sat on my bed with my back against the wall and caressed my big baby stomach. I would never love anything more than I loved this child. I felt so much love for she/he and I haven't even seen her/him yet. I bet she/he looked a little like Liam, and that would remind me of my mistake every day. But I also knew that the baby looked a little like me. I secretly hoped that she/he would look more like Liam, since he was more good looking than me. I sighed and felt the tears stop pouring. I smiled when my baby kicked the spot where my hand was.

"I am so sorry love." I spoke gently to my child and she/he kicked more. "I know you want your daddy here but that's not possible." As if she/he really heard what I said she/he started kicking more. I rubbed my stomach to calm my baby down and spoke more softly. "Shh... I know... I know." I clearly wasn't one of those people that thought that talking to an unborn child was crazy. I was the kind of person that thought that the baby would recognize my voice. I rubbed my stomach for several minutes and when I felt her/him calm down I began to speak again.

"When you get older and ask about your father I will tell you he was a kind man. He had the gentlest heart, even though it was very exposed. I am going to tell you that he loved you with all his heart and would have done anything for you. If you are hearing me know my baby, please know that he does love you and so do I. I am always going to here for you and even though might not be, he wishes he could." I started to cry more and more for every word and I knew they were all true. I knew Liam would do anything for this baby and I knew he would want to be here. I just couldn't destroy everything for him. His life was being a popstar, not a father. At the last word I was bawling so much I couldn't see through the tears. I sighed and laid down on my side. Curling into a ball as best as I could. I cried some more and then fell asleep, welcoming the darkness.

"She is sleeping right now." I heard my mother say and I thought I was dreaming.

"But we need to see her." Harrys voice called through my dream and began to worry.

"I think your friend talked to her more than enough." My mother sounded mad.

"Yeah well he isn't the one who got pregnant." Louis voice rang through the rooms and I realized that this most certainly wasn't a dream. I sat up, feeling a little disoriented.

"You, young man, do not come to our home and speak about my daughter in that tone!" My mother yell-whispered. She was really mad at Louis.

"If she hadn't tricked him into having sex with her then none of this would've happened!" Louis retorted with the same tone. I gasped and quickly got out of my bed. I knew Louis would be mad, but not this mad.