Blackout

Original Edition: 09 | Ruin

I give him another flat look, resisting the urge to shift so that I'm out of his reach. "Okay, but that was before I almost died."

"Exactly," Zoe retorts, smirking. "We need to celebrate that there's an almost in that sentence."

Sighing, I consider her words, before reaching up and running a hand through my hair. "Do you actually think anyone would want to come to a party for me? I'm not exactly well-liked."

"That's bull," James says enthusiastically, throwing his hands up. "The people love you."

"People will come, don't you worry," Zoe assures me, her confidence in tact, as usual. "You may not remember, but I throw a damn good party."

"I don't know..." I trail off, grimacing.

"It'll be fun," Dylan's voice comes in again, "and we'll all be there, so you'll be fine."

It's my turn to smirk, and I lean my elbow on the armrest of the couch. "How reassuring," I say lightly.

"Anyway," Zoe says, calling the attention back to herself. "It's happening. Just so you're aware."

"Thanks," I say, not sure if I mean it sincerely. A party still seems like a bad idea to me, regardless of how fun it may or may not be.

I glance at the clock on the wall. "You guys should probably get going," I say, despite feeling somewhat lonely at the thought of them all leaving, but also looking forward to it. "Sof—um, my mom will be home soon."

James shudders dramatically. "Yeah, don't want to stick around for that." The thought is enough for him to head towards the front door, calling over his shoulder, "Catch you later, Al."

Zoe follows suit, standing up, and brushing at the legs of her pants, as though she felt the couch was dirty. "See you later," she says cordially. "We'll miss you at school tomorrow."

I shrug a shoulder, thinking it might be nice to be away from school, if only for a short while. "I'll be back soon."

She exits the room, following after James, and I hear the sound of their chatter as the front door opens, but Dylan stays, lingering in his position on the couch, looking reluctant to leave. The room falls into an uncomfortable silence that I don't quite feel like breaking.

I glance at his face to see that he's frowning, seemingly at war with himself over whether or not to speak his mind. "I really want to go out again," he tells me, bringing his brown, puppy dog like eyes up to mine.

"Dylan," I say, unable to keep from sighing. "We've been over this."

"It's just—" he stops, cutting himself off, then starting again. "You're giving me mixed signals here."

I feel my eyebrows shoot up at his admission. "I'm what?"

He holds his hands up in defeat, looking away. "One second, you're asking me to take things slow, so we take things slow, and you kiss me, and then you tell me it doesn't mean anything."

His words strike a chord of guilt within me, my heart sinking from my chest to my belly, and I feel my eyebrows pulling into a frown. "If it helps, I'm just as confused as you are." Although, I'm confused about many things presently, and sometimes it feels as though my relationship with Dylan is the furthest thing from my mind. "But I'm sorry. That's not my intention at all."

He looks at me again sheepishly, looking like a small child. Distantly, we hear James call his name.

"I'm still trying to figure things out, and I'll probably be doing that for a while..." I say, letting my voice trail off. "It may not be the best time for a relationship."