False Pretense [EreRi/RiRen AU]

Chapter 14: An Unexpected Guest

Hanji hummed and nodded, my hand proceeding to run the tip of my index finger along the rim of my cup. "How did you know?"

"I overheard it. I went to his apartment earlier to take a visit. When I entered his house, I didn't see him so I went to where his room is but when I was a few feet away, I heard him talking to his cousin, Isabel. That's when all the shits went down and...I discovered that he's been fooling me all this fucking time.

"I don't know whether or not I should believe it, I was in too much shock my mind isn't capable of taking all of those things in. I don't want to believe it, don't want to believe that all the months that I spent with him is nothing, nothing because all of them are spent with someone fake. But I knew that I had to, because it's the truth. Truth is always painful, isn't it?"

I let out a forced laugh, shaking my head as I did so. Hanji called my name, so soft and gentle, and I had to remind myself to compose myself before I completely break down again. "It just fucking hurts to know that I've been living my past months in love with a person who is nothing but real. I want to punch my fucking self for being such a damn idiot for falling for him, but I just couldn't help it. And now that I don't know if what he showed me is real or not...fuck, I never felt this so damn conflicted."

"Levi..." They placed one of their hand over mine, rubbing small circles at the back of my hand. The gesture is comforting, telling me that they're just beside me, and I was grateful for it. Hanji may be a crazy thing, but they can also be the best friend that you can have. "I know that this is hard for you. I won't tell you that it's all going to be okay since I know that you won't believe it but..." They squeezed my hand before shooting me a small smile. "I'm always here for you, okay?"

With their assurance, I allowed a small smile paint my lips, slightly punching their shoulder. "I know, thanks, Shitty Glasses."

They laughed, punching my shoulder back. "Anything for you, Midget."

*****

I wouldn't say that the next days passed by like a blur. That would've been great, considering how much of a mess I am, but no. In fact, time passes by so damn slow, like it intended to make me feel all these shitty feelings that I had in every fucking second. The bitter feeling of betrayal and hurt haunts me, and I'd prefer it if time would fucking cooperate. Maybe what people say is true, time passes by fast if you're happy, but moves excruciatingly slow when you're sad.

But life fucking goes on. I went to the University every single day, listening to shitty lectures from boring professors but unable to take any information in. My mind is too clouded up to take anything in.

Hanji made a point to make me spend my time together with them as much as possible, sometimes even asking Erwin or Petra to join me whenever they aren't available. I told them that they don't have to do it, that they're just wasting time, but they insisted, telling me that it would be much better to keep myself occupied.

Which is true, because every second that I'm alone, my mind keeps on coming back to the time that I would rather not remember. It brings me nothing but pain but still, remembering those times is the only way to fill up the hollow void inside me, to fill the longing that I felt for him.

No matter how fucking much I deny it, the truth is I really fell for him, and it isn't possible to just forget someone who meant the world to you in just a few days. My heart still beats at a fast pace whenever he subconsciously slip into my mind, but unlike before, it is accompanied by a sharp pain, like someone is digging a needle into my chest but not plunging in.