I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. At my old school, people generally didn't like me and thought I was annoying and bookish or too outspoken or just weird. And at my new school, which supposed to be "a super accepting place where everyone has friends and there are no cliques!" I'm still an outsider. Even in a supposedly super accepting place, no one really cares about me.
And at my community theater, I'm annpoying and even the directors don't like me and no one wants to be my friend.
Most people can't understand how much it sucks to be an outsider. They don't know the feeling of carrying around a book so people won't talk to you, of reloading your phone so it seems like you have soemthing to do. They don't know the feeling of hating when it's rainy outside because you know you'll have to eat lunch while watchign everyone talk and laugh with their friends, of awkwardly standing by a group talking even though you know you're not part of the conversation so you won't be alone.
There's this girl who I was supposed to be friends with at school, because her sister was best friends with my sister. She already has tons of friends at school. Figures.
We have to go to a retreat on Wednesday and I don't want to go because I just know that I'm going to be all alone while everyone else is having a great time. I know they'll be that moment where everyone is supposed to partner up and I get stuck with a pity partner.
A couple of weeks ago, someone in class read a poem about friendship because "you all probably have good friends at this point." I almost started crying.
In class the other day, we had to step forward if certain things applied to us, and one of them was "step forward if you feel like an outsider." I wonder how many people stepped forward besides me.
