A Glimpse of Fiction

And then there's this asshole

Most the time, life is good and we make friends and everything is okay. And there's always good people in life, and we tend to drift towards the good people to be their friends. We like that positivity. The motivation they give us. The support.

And then there's this asshole.

And I'm calling him that because, despite the fact I actually think he's a lovely person and care a lot about him, he's left me on read. Again.

I'm joking, he's, well, I don't really have a word for it.

It's funny that, in such a short period of time, you can come to care for people so deeply - yet only weeks earlier, you didn't even know their names. I guess that there's something in our heads that makes it that way, so that we can just let people invade our hearts and minds and actually think that maybe, maybe that's okay?

But he's a bright spark. A proper spark of positivity when things can seem dull and empty. And a beacon of motivation and hope and maybe, just maybe, another person to live for? Someone else who you know cares about you enough to want to talk to you if you're down and not feeling it at all.

At least, most of the time.

It's difficult caring for people, because you want to be the best person towards them but sometimes you slip up and you're not that "best person" and it's difficult because you don't want to burden them with that. But maybe, sometimes, we have to; maybe, sometimes, we can. Because they're wonderful friends who want to share your burden and lift you up. They don't want you to weighed down.

They care too much and you know how it is, because you care too much too. And you want to be there for them because they're there for you and it's honestly the best thing in the world to have a friendship like that.

He's a star. I could dive into the physics of the star cycle, if I wished to, but I just want to leave it simple and say that he's one of the people you keep wishing for. Someone who actually sees through the lies you're telling and stops you to say "hey, it's okay not to be okay." We need people like that. We need people who are just there even when it's not good, even when we're crying, even when what's in our head isn't what we're saying and we're falling, we're drowning in ourselves. We need them to pull us out.

And I may not have known him for long but I owe him a lot and I have even more to thank him for. So much that I'll never be able to repay. I feel upset knowing that, but I can just try to do the best I can and maybe be a bright spark too. Or help to keep his spark burning.

He's incredible.

I can't quite express through my words what I mean. He's just the candle to light the way through the shadows and the string of fairy light hung around your bed so you don't have to sleep in the dark. He's the face of an angel and of someone who just wants to help all the time. Maybe he is an angel; that would explain a lot.

And, I care a lot about him. More than I can emphasise and more then most people can comprehend. Because it takes a lot for people to get so close to me, but when they do, I don't want to let them go. "We're going to be friends for a long time," he said. And I pray that that stays true because we care about some people for a reason - and my reason is that to be friends someone so radiant is so rare. And people who care that much are so amazing and there's so few. He's just too good.

Because, if we were in nature, he would be the sun. He is radiant and blessing all of those around him with life, while his energy is eternal and he just wants to help people.

And how amazing he is.

And I keep saying over and over and it's a recurring thought in my mind about how the worth of ourselves is entirely dependent on how we affect those around us. And, by that logic, he is worth so much in my mind and in my heart and he is worth everything because every single time I thank him, he just says "this is what I do." And if this is what he does, then how many times over has he done it before? Enough to make him worth something, I think. Enough to make him a spark.

I think that's a good way to describe him.

Because he is always there, just there waiting to help and jump into action like some spark flying off flint and steel and I know this metaphor is terrible but he's just... he's just not. He's incredible. I don't even know how someone can be so amazing.

He's the sun. Light created out of immense pressure and internal energy to produce life and the most amazing things we will ever see. He is the sun.

And, as thankful as I am for life, I am thankful for him. Because from dark places grow incredible things, and by far is he one of them.

And I know that he will read this and hate me one thousand times over because I'm skimming over every single bad thing that has happened. I still insist, no matter what, that happiness is eternal and what we do in our past is in no way related to how we will live our future.

And I hope he has a good future and that absolutely everything falls perfectly into place because, for the love of god, he deserves that. Like that moment when you're doing a jigsaw and suddenly everything falls into place and one thing leads to another and you're working like clockwork and it's enjoyable and you're not stressed about it and everything is going well and maybe for that one moment, you're happy. He deserves that feeling but extended to a period of a lifetime.

I care a lot about him. I really do.

And I think it's difficult to express that because everything is always so romanticised but I love him, in the "you're actually such an amazing friend and I want to treasure you forever" kind of way. In the "thank you so much for everything you've done for me" kind of way. In the "I know you've got my back and I can't help but love you for that" kind of way. And in the "hey, thanks for showing me that great quality meme" kind of way.

I'm not quite sure how to round this off apart from to say thank you to him again. And that I hope his spark keeps burning and, like the sun, he's around for a long time to come.