CASSANDRA

Chapter 1

March 2003

Walking through the meadows, a sigh escaped lips as troubled thoughts went through my mind. In about a year time I will be receiving my high school diploma but am not looking forward to it. Whats' there to look forward to when it looks like my dream of going to college might remain as it is, a dream! Pa said he can't afford it, he wants me to work for him at his local drug store in town after graduating.

Maybe if I was handed over to a  different family things might not have turned so ugly. Or perhaps if my parents were still here with me I will be telling a different story now.

Its been ten years now since I lost everything that mattered to me, ten years since I last wore a hundred percent genuine smile. Thanks to my best friend or I might just have totally forgotten how to smile. Maybe I committed a very grievous offence in my past life and I am paying for it now, I don't even believe in that trash but am forced to consider it now. Life has been so unfair.... My thoughts were interrupted as I noticed the sun was already setting. Quickly I turned back to the path I came from not wanting to get back after Pa.

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Opening the doors leading to the pantry as quietly as the old hinges permitted, not wanting to attract any attention just in case Pa was already back from his outing.

I sneaked up into my room.

One good thing about this house was that there is a door at the back of the house that opens just underneath the stairs. This house was probably built in the 80's and in dire need of a renovation. It is an old fashioned one storey country house located at the base of a small hill.

The only positive thing about this countryside where we lived was the beautiful and calm scenery, a stark contrast to my constant inner turmoil. Gradually the pain had somehow merged into my soul and I can't find my self without it but a part of me still hoped that someday a messiah will come my way. As long as I still have my breathe I will continue to hope.

Knowing that Pa will be back soon from wherever it was he went to and will be angry if dinner was not ready. I hurried to the kitchen to fix up something eatable, I wasn't a great Cook but I try to put two and two together. After running my eyes through the available foodstuffs for a considerable amount of time, I decided that mashed potatoes and buttered Peas would be occupying our stomachs for the night.

I went about doing what I knew how to do least hoping I wouldn't have to scrub my efforts off the rug later or in the worst case scenario off my body. More than once that had been the case although it wasn't intentional at least I hoped it wasn't.

Pa has never hit me but with each passing day the possibility seemed likely, often times if he wasn't pleased with the meal I prepared he would throw it away not minding if I was at the receiving end. He was getting really violent and it bothered me daily. I knew it was only a matter of time before he starts hitting me. But I swear if it should come to that am going to pack up and leave this forsaken haunted house.

I had no place in mind but well when I reach that bridge am definitely going to find a way to cross it.

I try to act like all is well especially when am in school as I don't want people to treat me differently or with pity. Not like am treated in any particular way which is fine by me  better not to be noticed than to be the most pitied student Ugh! pity is one expression I hate so much, it only makes matters worse, as I will constantly be reminded of my predicament. So yes! am pretty great at what I do "suffering and smiling."

Hearing the sounds of the Iron gate leading into the property opening. I quickly set the table before going out to open the front door.

"Welcome Pa, how was your day?" I asked with a fake smile plastered on my face.

"Okay" he grunted out his usual response.

"Dinner is set, let me drop your briefcase " I said in an attempt to get off his face as soon as possible.

"After dinner you can do that, serve the dishes" he replied

"Oh alright" I said, my shoulders dropping in defeat. My plan failed.

After placing his briefcase on the  couch, I went ahead to set my place on the table. Whenever Pa asked me to eat with him which was not too often thankfully, it mostly doesn't turn out well, he keeps on complaining about how hard it is to look after me from his  little earnings or he is busy telling me off for eating in a particular way. Either nothing I did ever seemed to please him or he has made it a point of duty to act it.

Fidgeting on my seat I tried to act normal, frequently stealing glances at him to see if he was enjoying the meal. Thankfully he was half engrossed with the book in his hands to notice anything odd about the food." Where did you go today?" He asked startling me. "No where Pa, I was in my room studying" telling a lie means nothing to me anymore.

He looked at me for five seconds longer as if deliberating on whether to further query me but decided his book needed his attention more. Not long after our little exchange, he announced he was through with his meal and would be retiring for the night. Letting out a breath I didn't realize I was holding I got up to put away the almost untouched dishes.

Staring out of my bed room window I wondered for how long I will continue living this way. Putting off the light on the night stand, I snuggled into my warm bed the only place I find solace, in this big cruel world of mine.

PS: This book is currently unedited, so please bear with me :)
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