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溺れ死にます — drown.
"I love you more, Jihoon."
"Fuck that shit! Kung mahal mo talaga ako, hindi mo ako ginaganito uloooool!"
"Jihoon, tama na, Jihoon—"
"Wonwoo bitawan mo ako! Bitaw! 'Wag na 'wag mo akong pipi—hik!—gilan okay?! K-Kailangan kong gawin 'to kung—hik!—kung gusto kong magmove on mula sa ha—hik!—yop na 'yon, naiintindihan mo?!"
"Jihoon—"
"LUMABAS KA D'YAN! MAG-USAP TAYO!"
Pathetic. He's very pathetic right now. Jihoon knows. Oh how painfully he knows.
"CHOI SEUNGCHEOL!"
"Jihoon, shh! Jihoon ano ba magigising ang buong building dahil sa pagsisigaw mo!" Hindi niya pinansin ang mga saway sa kanya ni Wonwoo.
He waves his alcohol bottle in the air, pointing at the second story of the apartment complex where his idiot of an ex-boyfriend lives. "COME DOWN HERE YOU FUCKEN IDIOT, WE NEED TO TALK!"
"Jihoon! Jihoon ano ba! Ikaw pa ang may ganang maglasing at mag-eskandalo sa harap ng tirahan ni Seungcheol!" malakas na saway sa kanya ni Wonwoo.
Pathetic, he's very pathetic right now. Jihoon knows. Oh how painfully he knows.
Tama naman si Wonwoo e. Wala siyang karapatan, wala. Not when he's at fault. Not when it's his fault everything had come to this.
Pero anong magagawa niya? Nangyari na ang nangyari dahil sa kapabayaan niya. He doesn't know any other way. The thing about silent people is that all the ruckus they're supposed to be doing has been boiling inside their beings. Like a volcano building the pressure inside of it. Kung anong nakikita mong tahimik at kalmado sa labas, ay siyang gulo at ingay sa loob.
Drunken Jihoon is like a volcano erupting. He's letting every lava in his being flow out with the help of alcohol. Hopefully after everything, he can blame it all to the alcohol.
Good idea Jihoon, magpakatanga ka, mag-eskandalo ka d'yan at bukas, ibintang mo na lang ang lahat sa alcohol! Woo!
And that's what he gonna do. He needs release anyway, release of the immense mess that he is inside.
And because he knows no other than to get his Choi Seungcheol back. Even by a long shot.
He hangs his head low, letting his body slur to the movement of the alcohol in his hand as he slowly looks up to Wonwoo who was glaring at him. "Mahal ko 'yon. Hik. Shut up."
"Kung mahal mo nga ako, bakit? Bakit mo hinayaang mawala ako sa'yo?"
Lumingon si Jihoon at nakita si Seungcheol na mugto ang mga mata at nakatingin sa kanya nang walang emosyon.
Jihoon stands immediately upright, taking in his boyfriend's disheveled appearance. His red striped scarf hanging loose around his neck and his eye bags now prominent more than ever. On top of all that, is the grim expression on his face that sends a thousand dagger to his chest. One of the things he adored about Seungcheol is his bright face, his ever bright face that can par up the sun in lightening up his world. Parang wala nang natirang liwanag sa mukha niya ngayon habang nakatingin ito sa kanya.
And what destroys him the most is the fact that all of this, is because of him.
Sa mga mata ni Seungcheol, kitang-kita niya ang kanyang sarili; Seungcheol's sweater on and ripped jeans, with a bottle of alcohol in one hand and a broken heart to spare.
Two broken hearts to spare. Two broken hearts Jihoon destroyed for the both of them.
"You're the one who's stupid here," rinig niyang saad ni Seungcheol.
And Jihoon breaks down, collapsing to the ground, tear-stained as he lets out chopped sobs. "A-Alam ko . . ."
Pathetic, he's very pathetic right now. Jihoon knows. Oh how painfully he knows.
"Jihoon, umuwi ka na. Ayoko nang makita ka rito."
Jihoon cries even harder than before as he punches the wet patch on the ground he cries on.
"It's all my fault I know," he wheezes out, lips quivering and eyes aching from all the crying. "Alam kong kasalanan ko lahat. You're right! Oh you're right, I'm the idiot who couldn't appreciate . . . I'm the i-idiot who couldn't thank you for e-everything you've ever done to me. I'm the ungrateful idiot w-who just . . . acts like you're not there most of the times. I'm the idiot who took you for g-granted . . . I'm an idiot . . ."
He sniffs. "I'm also the idiot who lies awake every night thinking about all the things I've never done for you. I'm also the idiot who wishes I could've been m-more loving, more g-gentle and a-appreciative. I'm the idiot who lies awake thinking . . . thinking I've been such a lucky idiot 'till I b-blew everything up . . . till I let one of the most precious things that happened to me slip between my fingers . . ."
Seungcheol is now crying too, lips pursed tight to keep those sobs from escaping. Jihoon is a mess on the floor with his fist tightly clasped, sobbing in huffs trying to take in air as he stares at Seungcheol.
"I'm also that i-idiot who drinks myself petty to h-have that c-courage and c-cries my heart out to let my love know I'm w-willing to lose all the control I've ever had just to show him h-how much I regret m-making him feel shit and f-for b-breaking your heart just like that."
Pathetic, he's very pathetic right now. Jihoon knows. Oh how painfully he knows.
But he's willing to get this pathetic just to let him hear what he had to say, to let him know that despite all that he's done, he loves him. Very much.
Lumapit si Seungcheol sa kanya, ni hindi man lang siya tumingala. He has his eyes shut tight, afraid of what Seungcheol's gonna do. Naghinala na siyang lalagpasan lang siya nito at tuluyan nang iwang nakaupo sa damuhan.
He fears that for a second, another fresh set of tears threatening to spill—because he's not gonna take it if Seungcheol leaves him just like that—when strong arms lifted him off the ground.
Luhaan man, unti-unting pinahiran ni Seungcheol ang mga luha sa mga mata ni Jihoon. When he smiles a little, Jihoon feels like breaking down again this time with a bubble of relieved but shaky laugh out his lips.
Seungcheol kisses him before he had the chance to break down again, his small frame held steady by strong familiar arms he missed so much.
Pathetic, he's very pathetic right now. Jihoon knows. Oh how painfully he knows.
But he got Seungcheol back. Jihoon decides to make the most of his second chance and shower Choi Seungcheol with the sweetest love he can offer. Hindi man siya sanay, mahihirapan man siya, at tuluyan mang maiba ang Lee Jihoon na kilala ng lahat, wala siyang pakialam. It's not impossible for Jihoon to become a little caring and sweet. He can do it. Even if it's gonna be hard at first, he will do it.
What's at the end of the string is worth it anyways. Anything to make him feel loved, and to give him all the love he deserves.
