he don't like the lights ♡ ziall/zustin/jiall au [COMPLETE]

thirteen

niall wakes up in the bed alone, which is unusual. he can feel the tour bus moving and sits up, rubbing his eyes, groggy. 

"zee? jay?" he calls out, but gets no response. with a sleepy sigh, he gets out of the bed, making his way towards the bathroom. he stumbles a little, still half asleep, and before he opens the door he hears voices.

"he was really shaken up," niall hears zayn's voice say.

"i think he should go home," their manager murmurs. "the fans are going to attack him again -- you know how they are -- jealous. it's no surprise that they attacked him. you aren't even keeping it low key -- you bring him onstage and expose him to them."

"so this is my fault," justin says quietly.

"no," zayn responds quickly. "no, it's not. it's nobody's fault but the fan's that grabbed him."

"zayn's right," the manager says. "it's not your fault, justin. but i stand by my decision -- he has to go home."

"no," zayn says immediately. "no. he just got here...i can't do that to him again. i can't be without him."

"me neither," justin butts in. "i...i would worry about him. all the time. zayn and i, we'd be wrecks."

niall stands there, listening, eyes welling up. consciously, he knows it would make zayn and justin's lives easier if he left. so he takes a deep breath, holds it, and prepares to break his own heart.

he waits until the hang up the phone. zayn and justin argue with the manager a few minutes longer, and then they hang up. they're quiet in the room and niall inches his way in, rubbing his eyes, pretending he's just woken up.

"hey, baby," justin's voice coos, and niall stumbles forward, landing in his lap. "what are you doing up?"

zayn's hand brushes his hair back gently. "you were sleeping pretty soundly when we got up."

"you guys are loud," niall whines. zayn's hand stops touching his hair, and justin tenses underneath him.

"did you hear what we were talking about?" justin asks, but his voice is still as gentle as it was originally.

"no," niall lies. he's not very good at it, but neither of them seem to be able to tell, and they both un-tense. "um, so i was thinking..."

"yeah?" justin asks. he's nuzzling the spot under niall's ear with his nose, making him giggle. zayn laughs, too, and niall suddenly feels the strangest urge to cry. "what is it?"

"um..." niall swallows. "i was thinking...maybe i should go home."

zayn and justin both freeze. "what?" zayn says slowly.

"i...i..." niall is trying so hard not to cry. "i should go home. i think i should go home."

"did you hear the phone call?" justin asks slowly, voice sharp.

niall hesitates long enough to expose that he did. "well...

"why?" justin demands. "why do you keep leaving? what about being with us scares you so bad?"

niall finally starts to cry. "it's not th-that."

"answer him," zayn says. his voice is demanding, too. he's angry, but hiding it. "tell us why you keep leaving."

"i..." niall lets out a sob. "i feel inadequate," he manages, much more honest than he ever wanted to be. "i'm inadequate. i don't deserve you, and i think you would be happier without me."

"niall," justin gasps out, but he doesn't get to finish his sentence because zayn yanks him out of his lap and into his own.

"you look at me," he snaps, the angriest niall has ever seen him. "we love you, niall. do you hear me? do you understand that? we love you. it's been me and you since day one and you know that. our relationship, it's only right when it's all three of us. you tell me you don't feel that -- you tell me you don't feel the same about our relationship and we'll let you go. otherwise, the three of us...we can get through anything."

niall shuts his eyes, presses his lips together. he wills himself to not say anything, to have it be implied, but he can't do it. his heart is overflowing with love for the both of them, and he lets out another sob. "i love you," he cries. "so much. i feel like i ruin everything and i just wanted to make it better."

"baby," zayn begins, but justin reaches around him, grips niall's chin and kisses him hard. niall has never been kissed like this -- it's dizzying. he almost feels drunk when justin breaks the kiss.

"you do not ruin anything," justin says firmly, making the sweet blond look him in the eye. "not a thing. we love you. we love being around you. we love touching you, we love being with you. please, darling -- please don't leave us. we want nothing more than we want you here."

"okay," niall whispers. he lets out a giggle when he feels zayn kissing his neck, and makes a sound between a moan and a giggle as zayn leaves a hickey there.

"you'll stay?" zayn asks against his skin. niall feels them deep, like he's absorbed them. he feels light, light as the sun, light as air, full of love.

"yes," he says, smiling. "i'll stay."