Pride - The Jones Twins (LGBT//manxman) // #Wattys2016

Chapter Seventeen

I'm... I'm... well I scared. I don't know if I can love somebody only for them to leave me.

If I...

No.

I can't.

"You shouldn't. This is all fine and dandy what we're doing but we can't be anything more." I forced past my lips and Bobby Ray turned over properly to look at me.

"What do you mean?" he asked frowning at me.

"Come on man. You're not gonna announce to the world that we're a thing." I scoffed.

"Not right away no but one day maybe." Bobby Ray replies making my heart palpitate.

He can't possibly mean that and even if he does I can't take the chance.

"I'm fine with how we are Bobby Ray. I'm not a girl to want all that emotional crap." I say instead.

"What if I want something more than this? And you don't have to be a girl to want someone emotionally." Bobby Ray says and I scowl at him. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

"You don't know what you're saying Bobby Ray. This right now, it's all I have and am willing to offer you. Take it or leave it." wow. I sound so confident but on the inside I want to die and cry, mostly cry.

"You sound like me." Bobby Ray scowled back at me.

"What are you afraid of?" Bobby Ray asked looking at me. Right through me. I had to look away. I hate when he stares at me so. I feel like he sees the things I don't want anyone to see.

"Nothing. I just can't do relationships right now-"

"Bullshit! I call bullshit. I like you. I'm pretty sure you like me too. What's your problem?"

Woah woah woah... how did our roles get reversed?

Why is Bobby Ray so worked up about us being more than what we are?

"What are you so hyped up about? Dude we rubbed each other off once and we just blowed each other, that's it. We're not gonna go holding hands into the sunset while some Adele song plays in the background." I hope I sound as much a dick as I want to.

"And I don't have a problem." I climbed off his bed and started looking for my clothes.

"But obviously you do-"

"Then what's my problem huh? Since you obviously know me." which he doesn't.

"I know you're scared Theron. Scared that I'll leave you. You need to understand that your parents and sister didn't have a choice-"

"Shut up! Shut your fucking mouth! Don't talk about them! You don't fucking know them!" and I don't know what I was thinking when I launched myself onto the bed and tried strangling the life from Bobby Ray.

He has no right to talk about my family. He doesn't know them and he never will.

I was trying my best to scratch out Bobby Ray's eyes while he was trying to capture my hands and we grappled all over his bed.

"Don't talk about them!" Don't...

And it happened again. Those tears welled up and all the fight left me.

"Shh... it's alright baby." I wish he meant those words.

Maybe I was finally going through the final stage of grief; acceptance. Maybe not. But as the tears kept coming and my heart kept swelling with hurt I was glad Bobby Ray had me in his arms and held me as if holding me together and in some way he was.