The Amazing Adventures of Miss Ariana Okata

New Revelations

With the recent discovery that the gold strike was a sham it got me to wondering who might be behind it, since I knew it couldn't have been Ted. Being the good reader of men that I am, I knew he was an honest man and never once suspected him. The most obvious culprits would be the geologists themselves, but there is usually a mastermind behind the operations, from what I know about scam jobs. Then it occurred to me that I had recently met a mastermind and his nickname was Y-san.

Ted continued to lie low, preferring to work from home. I can't say I blamed him. The rest of us toiled on at the office, attempting to wrap things up as cleanly as possible. Y-san even pitched in, having apparently decided to hang around Van, if only to see what other shit might hit the fan. This struck me as a bit odd, but after the angora-sweater fail I was starting to view Y-san as being more than a bit odd.

Although I know it will sound just a tad like stalking, I decided to follow him home one evening. My official workday ended at 5 p.m., whereas Y-san was free to do whatever he liked, and that usually meant hanging around Satsuma Sushi into the wee hours of the morning with all of the other drunken Japanese businessmen who were in town, visiting their corporate satellite offices.

I went home and changed into my stalking clothes – make that surveillance gear – taking along my trusty spy binoculars, and headed to Satsuma Sushi,which was handily located only four blocks from my apartment, at 11p.m. I was disguised in a short blonde wig and hip eyeglasses. Sure enough, after waiting only five minutes behind a willow tree across the street, in a well-lit area still frequented by night-owl patrons just getting out of the clubs, Y-san exited the Satsuma Sushi premises and walked home alone. I followed him at a safe distance, occasionally taking videos with my iPhone.

How does one distinguish a robot from a human? No, seriously. I myself hadn't known until consulting various websites on the topic. In Y-san's case, he must have been a high-end android because he moved just like a human being; only a trained eye such as mine could detect the difference, that being the slight hitch in his gait when he walked. It was too subtle for the untrained eye to catch, but it was as clear as day to me as I surveilled him. Every fourth step his right leg would hitch slightly, as if his knee were thinking of freezing up but then changed its mind. After a little web surfing on my trusty iPhone, I found out this was a classic glitch belonging to the R700-NS0 class of androids developed by the Nikkei Tech Corporation. When Y-san walked past a particularly well-lit storefront, in order to capture the tell-tale R700-NS0 gait so I could use it as evidence when needed, I shot some video of him. I also downloaded an e-book about robots which included Isaac Asimov's "3 Laws of Robotics," which I include here for your edification:

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey any orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
(From"Runaround," a short story by Isaac Asimov published in 1942.)

I needed to know what I was dealing with.

It was around this time that it occurred to me that what I was doing sounded an awful lot like what a detective would do. In fact, it sounded a lot like what my all-time fave detective, Nancy Drew, would do: follow and observe a suspect. That's when I had one of my quasi-psychic aha moments. As my much-beloved career as SFMC's receptionist was coming to a sad close, a new opportunity was opening up! I would become a private detective, just like Nancy Drew! Except, of course, I wasn't a titian-haired American teenager. No, I was an exotic Oriental Canadian woman with long silky black hair and Louboutin stiletto heels. Close enough! And I clearly had private detective skills.

I was most overjoyed to have discovered my new calling which I immediately shared with my BFF, the lovely Molly, via my iPhone. The message went something like this:

Molly dearest,
Meet me at LB at 7 pm? I have delightful news to share.
Kisses,
Ari XO

To celebrate we toasted with our traditional mohitos and appys. Then we spent the afternoon shopping for lingerie and strappy heels on Robsonstrasse, and flirting with the tourists.