Natalie's Legacy [sequel to Natalie's Diary]

[5] Confrontation

[5] CONFRONTATION

Jane

Bundled up in thick scarves, Bia and I walked to the university. It wasn't uphill both ways in rain, sleet, or snow, but I still usually preferred a ride. Usually.

The fresh air was good for me. I could breathe. Why was that such a hard thing to do?

"I've never seen you like this over a boy," Bia said. How long had she held onto that, hoping I would be the one to start the conversation? A few blocks? She had her timing down perfectly, at least ten minutes left to talk.

She wasn't wrong. There were no other boys like Rhys. Not in my dating history and not anywhere else. In and out, I reminded myself. That was how respiration worked.

"You remember Joel Mendoza?" I asked. Nostalgia was the best tool for avoiding a conversation about feelings. What harm could there be in remembering boys who didn't matter? I only had ten minutes to kill. I could detour around my trainwreck for ten minutes.

"How could I forget Joel Mendoza? I had to walk him home while he cried after you broke up with him," Bia said matter-of-factly. Her scarf didn't hide her forehead creased in concern.

I did not remember that about Joel.

"We weren't ever together. We made out a few times and went on double dates. We were definitely not dating," I protested. We went to movies with Bia and Valeria Martinez and probably just so I wasn't an awkward third wheel. Watching Channing Tatum while Joel tried to hold my hand barely constituted as a date. He didn't even pay.

"It's hard to see how you could possibly make the poor guy cry," Bia drawled, "he was clingy, though."

He was. Joel was a romantic and a well-trained one. He knew all the door-opening, bouquet-carrying stuff that anyone could pick up from watching a rom-com or two. Joel was soft.

That was exactly what Rhys wasn't. Not soft, not easy. Not made-for-TV. But still the boy who drove us around town without question when I told him ghosts might follow us home from the cemetery.

"You're kind of like a Greek goddess. You're meant to be feared and adored."

I couldn't help but laugh, shattering the sullenness for a second. Feared and adored. Was that a foundation for a good relationship.

"I could curse my ex-lovers if I were a Greek goddess." I could make no one believe their premonitions, like Apollo did to Cassandra.

"No one's ever been a match for you. For sure not Joel Mendoza. Like, guys get the idea you're tiny and fragile or something. This year is probably the most fragile I've ever seen you and Rhys never, ever treats you like you're going to break."

Maybe if I wasn't tiny boys wouldn't mistake me for a person who could shatter.

"That's not the problem. There are things he's not telling me."

"Jane, you don't tell me everything." Bia stopped, twisting to make proper eye contact. It was so much easier to dodge the subject when she didn't look right at me. The best I could, I hid behind my scarf.

"That's not true." It did not come out as a very convincing squeak.

"Of course it is. And that's fine. I wouldn't really expect you to trust anyone completely. I don't expect that you've told me everything about what happened in Maine. I can't imagine it. I wouldn't tell you everything that happened at that campus party last week. It's not because I don't trust you, it's because I know you and I know what you'll say and I'd hate for you to think less of me. Maybe it's not about trust. Maybe it's something else."