Given

Prologue

For most people the thought that being dead comes with sadness. For the most part people find that being dead is scary. For most people the thought that being dead is linked with the thought of Jesus, the thought of salvation and seeing their loved ones again. But, for me, the thought of being dead is tied together with tranquility, stillness, serenity and release. I've thought about slicing upwards instead of across. I've thought about taking one to many sips of the cheap vodka hidden in my underwear drawer. I have thought about stepping in front of a car and I have thought about popping the pills I got from some party just to see what they will do. These thoughts come regularly and most of the time very convincing. Nobody believes that I'm sick and nobody believes I need help.