Until I Met Her

Chapter 8

"I— I'm sorry."

"Tyler, what's wrong?"

I thought about all the ways I could answer that question. I thought about all the things that were wrong and whenthese things began to get wrong. A part of me had always known all the toxic things with our relationship but the other part of me, the part that loved Kelly, always ignored the signs.

Kelly cleared her throat and I know I should've said something but my mouth felt as though it had been wired shut. We fell into an uncomfortable silence. This whole thing felt wrong.

"Tyler?"

"You— Kelly, you're messing about with my head." I began, swallowing hard. I couldn't keep my body from shaking anymore. I probably should've brought a blanket with me. "One minute you act like you love me, the next you're— you act like I bother you. I leave you alone because I think it's what you want and then you come back and you leave again. You're confusing me, Kelly. You're hurting me, you're leading me on and you're hurting me."

"I—"

I heard bed sheets moving and then a deep, raspy voice, "Who is it? It's two in the morning."

My whole body flopped. I felt the tears falling before I realised I was crying.

"Tyler?" Kelly's voice was echoing, she probably changed locations. "Tyler, are you there?"

"You're with someone else." It wasn't a question, I didn't need an answer, yet I found myself waiting for her to tell me.

The funny thing was that everybody had told me this. Deep down, I knew it was true but if Kelly told me it wasn't, a part of me would believe her and I hated myself for it. Where was my self-respect? Where was my self-love?

"Are you going to tell me the same as before or are we going to talk about the fact that you were cheating on me even before you left?" I sniffed and wiped my nose with the back of my hand. I was hurt, yes, but right at that moment, I was angrier. "Because that's him, isn't he? Matt. And it's not the first time you're with him."

"Tyler—" I know she was crying because of the way her voice sounded. I tried my hardest not to let that affect me.

"You know what, Kelly? It's not even your fault." I laughed humourlessly, wiping my tears. "I knew everything you were doing and with who and I still believed you when you said it was all lies."

"I was confused, Tyler... we're— I care about you, you know that, but we're in different places, we're not together anymore, Tyler. We're growing up and— I—."

"It isn't even about that, Kelly!" I couldn't contain myself and I shouted, steam coming out of my mouth. "You know what, fuck you, Kelly, fuck you."

I ended the call and let my phone drop to the floor. I didn't want to cry but I could feel the tears filling up my eyes. I wanted to be mature about it. In reality, me and Kelly weren't together but the situation was an ongoing thing that we've carried with us since I first looked the other way when Kelly first cheated. All those times, all the excuses she gave me and the lies were now coming back to me, a tsunami of feelings washing over me and I wasn't even sure if I was allowed to be hurt about it because... we weren't together anymore.

"Kohen?" Eleanor's sleepy voice startled me. I tried to wipe my tears before facing her. Her hair was in a messy bun and she was wearing the pyjamas my mother had given her not long ago for Christmas with a blanket wrapped over her shoulders. "It's freezing, are you okay?"

"I—" I didn't know how to explain how I felt. "You were right, friends or whatever, you were right."

It took Eleanor a few seconds to understand what I meant. It was her the one who said Kelly and Matt were friends...