sad boys - phan

phil

trigger warning- possible eating disorder or anxiety or self harm tendencies 

breath, just fucking breath. 

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phil's anxiety was getting worse and his self harm was too. but he wouldn't tell anyone that, since he barely talked to anyone, that wasn't a problem. phil hadn't left his apartment in a week. he was terrified that if he left, he would have a panic attack. he didn't do anything anymore. all he did was stay home and read or watch movies. 

dan checked up on him everyday, he would stop by and and hangout with him, but most of the time phil didn't say anything. he would sit there until dan got annoyed that he wouldn't talk to him, and leave. it was a matter of time till dan left anyways. dan could find someone better then phil, someone prettier or smarter or more masculine than phil was. 

recently phil had just wanted to end it all. he felt as though he was an embarrassment. he wasn't normal. not even his own dad loved him. no one could love someone like him. 

dear, anyone who reads this. 

i'm sorry. 

-phil 

phil coughed a sob as he stood up and placed the note in his pocket. walking out of his apartment he sent dan a text. 

phil: bye, dan

sent

once he sent it he walked to the top of the building he grew up in. (shown above) all the memories with his mom laid in these walls. all the smiles and laughs they had shared together had been here, and this is where she died. phil was ready to join her. 

he walked on to the top of the building and sat at the edge. he sat there and closed his eyes as he felt the breeze for the last time. he wanted to observe the feeling of how he felt before he jumped. his heart was racing. his hands shaking. hot tears pouring down his face. 

"phil!" some yelled from behind him, but phil didn't care. all he could think about is how soon, he would be with her. soon phil was shook out of his trance when he felt a hand on his shoulder. he looked back and saw something he never wanted to see. dan, tears running down his face, and horror in his eyes. "p-phil, princess please, don't do this" dan sobbed as he grabbed phil's hand to pull him away from the edge. "no, dan i can't i have to do this" phil said as he pulled away from dans grasp and went closer to the edge, feeling light rain drops fall on him. "phil, phil, p-phil please baby, no please you are all i have" dan sobbed as he grabbed phil's arm and tried to pull him away from the huge drop. "okay"  phil whispered as he slid away from the edge and latched onto dan, as if at some point he would fade away. 

-

dan had brought his back home, not trusting him to be alone he ended up sleeping in the living room. waking up phil felt like complete shit. he felt worse then he did yesterday. all he wanted to do was cry. he had no energy to do anything. 

once he woke up he heard a knock on his door. "come in" he said as the door opened, showing a very sleepy dan. "hey, are you feeling okay?" dan asked as he sat next to him and held his hand. 

"yeah, i'm feeling a lot better" phil lied as he snuggled against dan. "thats good, i'm happy your feeling better" dan smiled as he kissed phil's cheek. phil just flashed a fake smile and nodded his head hoping dan somehow believed him.