Ill Conceived Plans

Family's what you make it

"You've not heard from him?" she asked.

"A couple of texts," Sarah answered, sipping her tea thoughtfully.

"He knows though?"

"Yes he knows, but he's on a movie set now, he's probably found himself a nice co-star to do the wild thing."

"If he does I'll cut his bloody dick off!" Petra said seriously and Sarah couldn't help but roll the eyes and giggle.

"You'd have to catch him first and use a bloody big knife!" she said giggling into her tea, Petra laughed too. "Oooh I've never asked – so you know he's well endowed then?"

"Oh god – I'm still in the room," George whimpered. "Could you not? I really don't need to hear you two talking about the Hiddlesconda there was enough of that at school."

Petra looked at Sarah and Sarah at Petra and the pair burst out laughing – a much needed break in the tension. They both looked at George who was looking hurt as he sipped his coffee on the other side of the kitchen bench.

"Well I don't," he said he pouted.

"No I'm sorry you don't darling – we'll behave," Petra soothed pulling herself together as her friend continued to giggle into her tea.

"And anyway this is all beside the point, I'm angry with you Fox – you and Tom are the smartest people I know and this is the dumbest, most pig headed, stupid thing you've ever done."

"She isn't happy!" George interjected.

Sarah nodded. "Yeah I got that George," she said smiling cheekily at her friend's husband.

"I'm sorry Petra but I'm not like you, motherhood and husbands have never been on my agenda, I can't imagine having to share my house with a man and turn my life upside down, I am happy the way I was," she said earnestly. Petra reached out her hand across the table.

"You were lonely – not all the time granted but you were lonely, you told me as much," she said holding Sarah's hand.

"I didn't say that I just said I missed the old days when we all use to hang out together," Sarah sighed.

"You missed hanging out with Tom, you need that man whether you like it or not!"

Sarah sighed again she did miss him; she missed him now more than ever. She wasn't stupid enough not to know she loved him. Yeah she'd never wanted a family and a life because the stupid silly truth was she'd could only really imagine doing this with Dane and that's not what he wanted or needed. He couldn't keep a relationship for more than a few months, he couldn't do commitment and neither could she. But one day he'd find a foetus of a starlet to marry and she would be surplus to requirement. She probably was now, all he thought about now was the child not her, she was the incubator.

"It doesn't matter how either of us thinks we feel if it hadn't happened before now it wasn't meant to be," she said sadly.

"And he can't claim us, he can't be with us, he's worked too hard to throw his career away on a drunken mistake. And I don't want anyone who has to sneak about to be with me, I can't keep secrets, I don't have a filter, I'd destroy it, destroy the relationship and I'd lose another person from my life. I can't lose anyone else, it hurts too fucking much."

Petra squeezed her friend's hand again.

"Don't give up on you and Dane yet, don't give up on Bean," she said quietly.

"Beans better off without two fuck ups like Dane and I!"

"Yeah but someone that's half you, half Dane. I think you'd need to be part lion-tamer part saint or its actual parent."