Darkest Hours

My Battle Scars

My scars.
Don't heal.
They get deeper and deeper.
Sorrow and sadness.
No way to explain why.
No pain.
You do it to know you can still feel.
You do it so you know you're still alive.
It's not joy you feel.
It's a feeling you can't describe.
You do it.
The pain is minor.
Doesn't last long.
You feel okay.
You have felt worse.
This pain goes away in a few days.
The other pain never disappears.
You're left with battle scars.
Ones only few have.
Battle scars of your own self.
Your own self that doesn't disappear.
You feel like you want to kill the thoughts.
You have tried.
Nothing works they just come back.
You tell people you are okay.
You know you're not okay.
The thoughts might be gone for now.
But they always come back.
Put up the fight.
It's to hard.
There's no way out.
Only down.
Down into a deeper darker hell called your mind.
Take the noose and fight it.
Rap it around your mind.
Kill it.
Destroy it.
Stop.
No more.
But the thoughts always come back.
No matter how many times you have killed them.
Some think you're insane.
Others think you need help.
But some stay by your side.
They fight with you.
The thoughts always come back again.
They leave you with these battle scars.
Scars that will never leave you.
Deep dark and red.
Battle scars you hide from others.
Possibly one of your biggest secrets.
No one might know.
Or maybe a few know.
The darkness never leaves you.
It always shows back up to kick you in the ass.
It will never disappear.
Sometimes it's gone for a short amount of time.
But then the things that were keeping you happy start making you sad.
The darkness comes back at the worst times.
Almost like it never left.
It hits you so suddenly, you didn't even know it was coming.
You have a smile but it's most likely fake.
You know if you ever told anyone what is happening inside your head they wouldn't sleep at night.
The thoughts are scary.
Scarier than a horror movie.
It scares even you, and it's in your head
In fact it can even terrify you at points.
It's like a nightmare that you never can wake up from.
But then one day you see a light at the end of the tunnel.
It's beautiful.
It's a good day.
You're happy.
It might last a while. Possibly even a few weeks.
But then your mind must sleep at some point.
And the nightmare begins again.
Only this time it's deeper and darker.
And it scares you more and more.
Your scars get deeper and deeper.
You become less and less yourself every day.
But people don't always notice.
Rarely people notice.
You put on a play for them.
A play of your feelings.
But eventually you can't take this act anymore.
At some point it has to end.
At some point you won't be able to breathe any longer because the feelings have engulfed you so much you don't even understand what you are feeling anymore.
And that's when.....
It's all over.