On the Devil's Path {a SOA sequel}

Chapter twenty five

"McKayla, I am so so sorry." He whispered against my hand.

I pulled my hand from his and dropped it to my side.

"Do you understand now Jax? Tara still loves you and now that she's having your child, she'll always be a part of your life. Where does that leave me?" I asked him.

He didn't say anything. His hands went to his face and he tipped his head back to look at the ceiling. I wanted him to say that it would work out. I wanted him to tell me that he would magically make Tara fall out of love with him. But I knew that he wouldn't. Jax knew as well as I did that Tara was never going to let him go now. When he finally looked at me again, I saw nothing but defeat in his eyes. I closed my eyes and nodded once.

"I love you Jax. I will always love you and nothing will ever change that."

Jax swallowed hard and gripped the back of a chair.

"McKayla-" He started but I cut him off by putting my hand on top of his.

"I love you, but I need to do what's best for me now." I told him softly.

To my surprise, he didn't argue.

"Where will you go?" He asked after a moment.

I chewed on my lip. Honestly, I haven't thought that far ahead. I was expecting a major blow out followed by me storming out into the night.

"I don't know." I said truthfully.

Jax nodded and wiped a stray tear from his cheek.

"The apartment. You can stay there."

I started to protest but he shook his head.

"Please, I get it if you need to get away from me but I can't turn you out on the street." He said. His voice was shaking and I knew it was taking everything in him not to break down again.

I nodded and slowly pulled my hand away from his.

"I'm gonna go pack my stuff." I said softly.

He just nodded and I forced myself to go into the bedroom. I didn't close the door behind me because I wanted to hear if Jax was coming. I could hear him shuffling around the kitchen and thud of a bottle when it met the kitchen counter. With a deep breath, I started stuffing all of my things into my suitcase. I couldn't stop myself from taking one of Jax's Reaper shirts with me. I breathed in his scent and felt tears threatening to fall. I didn't stop them. Leaving Jax hurt me probably as much as it was hurting him. Maybe more.

When I was finished, I made my way back into the kitchen. Jax was nursing a glass of whiskey, but the bottle didn't look like much had been missing from it. I opened my mouth to say something but he stopped me.

"Can I give you a ride?" He asked.

His eyes were looking everywhere but at me. I nodded and shifted my bag across my shoulder. Jax nodded once and left his glass on the table as he picked up his keys and helmet. I swung my leg over his bike and Jax handed me his helmet. Before I could, he reached up and fastened it for me. I thought back to the first time I met Jax Teller. He bought me cigarettes and gave me a ride. My eyes finally met his and this thumb caressed my cheek. I leaned against his hand and for a moment I thought he would kiss me. He didn't. Instead he turned and threw his leg over the bike and fired it up.

The familiar rumble of Jax's bike almost made me break down and change my mind. My arms snaked around his waist and I felt him relax under my touch. I closed my eyes and rested my chin on his shoulder.

"You ready?" He asked me.

I nodded and we took off to the clubhouse. I was thankful that Jax couldn't see me so he wouldn't see the tears rolling off of my cheeks. As much as it hurt, I knew this was the right thing to do. But it hurt like hell. We pulled up to the clubhouse and I felt myself hold tighter to Jax. He shut the bike off but didn't move. Reluctantly, I dropped my arms and forced myself to get off of the bike. I saw his jaw clench when he watched me unbuckle the helmet myself and hand it back to him.

Without a word, the two of us walked the long walk to the clubhouse door. I knew we were both dragging this out but neither of us was ready to say goodbye. Jax slid in the key and pushed open the door. I stepped inside and dropped my bag. This was it. Jax was gripping the door frame and staring at the ground. I took a deep breath and flung my arms around his neck. A sob escaped my throat and he wrapped his arms around me.

"I love you." I whispered in his ear.

"I love you."

I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my lips hard against his. Jax knotted one hand in my hair and the other on my jaw and kissed me back with so much passion and intensity it made my head spin. We were both gasping for air when he pulled away.

"You call me if you need anything." He said as he turned to leave.

"I will. Ride safe." I told him.

He nodded and headed back to his bike. Fresh tears were streaming down my cheeks as I watched him drive away. When I was sure he was gone, I closed the door and fell to knees and let out all the sobs that I had been holding back. If this was the right thing, why did it feel like I'd just made the biggest mistake of my life?

1TeQ0w&|�ϳU