here I am around 12 in the morning crying my eyeballs out. anxiety has hit once again. idk how to feel. I don't know what to think. all I can feel is that I'm alone.
I have no one. no one wants to be bothered with me. no one likes me. I have no one. I'm on YouTube. I'm on YouTube watching videos because that's where I can relate. that's where I can laugh and smile and not cry.
the Internet is my outlet. it allows me to escape . it allows me to go somewhere happy and not think about a lot of things. I want to go to sleep and not wake up.
I don't want to keep doing this. this same old routine. I don't want to be sad anymore. I don't want to regret. I don't want to keep thinking of things from the past ". I have no idea of what to do at all.
I skipped working out today. working out gives me something to do. it makes me forget about certain things. working out makes me focus on wanting that body I want. gaining the weight I want to gain.
I try so hard to keep eating,keep my skin clear,and workout. I'm just standing here in my bathroom looking at myself and crying.
I don't know what to feel. I don't know what to do. anxiety sucks. my anxiety has gotten worse over the past couple of years. I want to run and never look back.
I wanna go somewhere where I can be myself. be loud,happy and laugh. I was at a happy place last year. I was so happy I felt so confident like I could do anything in the world. but all of that was changed and was taken away from me.
under all my makeup,bitch resting face,deep down inside is a broken scared,sensitive,sad,little girl. that's me.
I'm numb. I try not to feel. I get scared if I feel. I try to detached myself. I get so scared. I try to hide and run. I don't want to seem like the hurt one. I don't wanna show feelings.
I don't wanna act like that hurt me. I don't wanna act like I'm sad. I don't simply don't care anymore.
no one cares so why should I. I think I'm gonna go back to bed and cry myself to sleep. ok gonna get back on YouTube. I'm gonna calm myself down and listen to music.
so goodnight for now.
YOU ARE READING
Bettering my life: 101
Non-FictionThis is my diary or journal of me talking about my life. writing about how I feel a don what I'm doing to better myself mentally,emotionally,and physically. No one has to read it I don't care it's just for me to express myself.
