Textual Relations

Shoes

Etta: Kick? You there?

Kick: Yup. You?

Etta: Sort of. Going out on my first date in over a year and need advice. Red slutty heels or Black ballerina flats?

Etta: <send photo>

Etta: <send photo>

Etta: Kick? You there?

Kick: You're going out on a what??

Etta: A date, you know? It's where two people who are attracted to each other in some way go and spend time in the same room as each other?

Kick: Nope, never heard of it.

Etta: You must go on dates?

Etta: Surely?

Etta: ?

Etta: Hello?

Etta: Kick?

Etta: <girl-banging-head-on-table.gif>

Etta: ...

Kick: Sorry, hot girl in her underwear knocked on my door, wanted to borrow a cup of sugar.

Etta: You were on the toilet, weren't you?

Kick: Yes. Not going to lie to you.

Etta: You just did.

Kick: Did I?

Etta: Yes. OMG, ok you've taken us completely off topic. Can we go back to the important question of which shoes I should wear on my date?

Kick: You're going on a what?

Etta: Not funny, Kick. Can you please answer me?

Kick: Don't you have girlfriends you can ask about this kind of shit? I don't know what fucking shoes you should wear, do I?

Etta: Woah, alright, calm down! What the hell is wrong with you?

Kick: Nothing, Henrietta, I just don't see why you'd be asking me what bloody shoes you should wear on a date.

Etta: Umm because we're fried.

Etta: Friends*

Kick: You say that a lot, but you don't even know me! We've been messaging each other a couple of months, I still don't really know why, and you keep throwing that word around, and it's weird.

Etta: Fried?

Etta: Friends*

Etta: Sorry, that was an honest autocorrect.

Kick: Just like the girl and the cup of sugar was.

Etta: 'I'm going for a poop' does not autocorrect to 'hot girl in her underwear knocked on my door, wanted to borrow a cup of sugar'.

Kick: Not on your phone maybe.

Etta: Not on anyone's phone. Now you're giving me the shits, stop changing the subject, stop being weird, stop trying to pretend we're not friends, and tell me what bloody shoes to wear.

Kick: Do you want to get laid?

Etta: I beg your pardon?

Kick: I SAID DO YOU WANT TO GET LAID?

Etta: Not funny.

Kick: Not trying to be. It's a simple question: do you want to get laid? If yes, go for the flats.

Etta: I don't understand that logic. Have you seen the heels? Did you even look at the pictures?

Kick: I don't need to. I'm talking for mankind, and mankind says red slutty heels do not a good girl make.

Etta: And guys want a good girl?? I must have missed that memo.

Kick: Too busy buying slutty red heels probably.

Kick: ?

Kick: Etta?

Kick: Ok, I'm Sorry.

Etta: That wasn't nice. I actually am a good girl.

Kick: I wouldn't actually know. We have the weirdest friendship in the world.

Etta: See we ARE friends! You just said it.

Kick: This conversation is exhausting, I want it to end now.

Etta: Ok. Well I have to go get ready anyway.

Kick: Good. Go get ready for your date. I have to go buy more sugar.