Lennon

Another Letter

Another Letter  

Practically everyone in Chasten,

I can't believe that I'm writing another letter for you guys, months and months after that first one. It feels like it's been a few lifetimes since I wrote it, hastily writing whatever words came to be in my dream locked state. God, I was such a train wreck that fateful night. 

            Still am, actually.  

            But you know what? I've learned not to even give any cares about much of a mess I am. I'll probably always be a mess, but that's just who I am.  I'm never going to be the girl a normal boy (obviously not talking about Jude here, as that boy is far away from normal as you can get) will want to take home to meet his parents. I would be more likely for me to become a mermaid living under the deep blue sea than to be a poster child for the average eighteen year old.   

            But I'm happy. 

            It took me far too long to realize that I don't need you guy's opinions or the town's or anyone else. All that matters is that I'm content with the way I chose to live my life. The longer I sit here putting smudges into the back of this napkin, the more I realize I love being me.  

            I love the way I can completely disregard all basic logic whenever I please, if that means I can have a good time. I love how I care so much about the people I love (yes, even you Uncle Ben and Aunt Ashley). I love that even throughout all your shit, I’m still breathing. I love that I’m alive.  

            When I arrived without Jude last month without any sort of warning, I bet you thought I was coming back for good. Or maybe you thought something other than me staying; I'm not a mind reader so I have no idea what exactly you thought and you sure as heck didn't elaborate with me.  

            I'm not staying.  

            If I've learned anything from the time I spent away from you guys, it's that I need to put myself in a setting that encourages my mood to be high. I don't belong here in this town, no matter how much it pains me. I know that you, Grandma, will understand what I'm talking about. Thank you for allowing me to set myself free and please try to make the rest understand, okay?  

            This time I wouldn't be running off to some mystical sunset like I did last time, I have an actual place set in mind. I wouldn't be all by my lonesome in the Jeep, either, as I'm going to drive along with Jude. Can you guess where I'm heading? I'm going to go meet Jude's family, as they're anxious to have him back. His parents place isn't that far from here either, just a few hundred miles.  

            I won't be back, but that's okay. It's what's best for all of us and you know that. It's just part of life, we learn and we grow. I'm grateful for Uncle Drew and Aunt Sarah for letting me stay at your house, that was sweet of you and it helped a lot. It's just not the help I need right now. The only way for me to continue on my way of growing is to see the world, with or without the help of a companion. I'm not saying that we'll be together forever, I'm not that naïve, but we just have to ride this out together.  

            Jude is telling me that we're running out of time and that we need to leave while there's still light out, so I'll end this real quick. One that thing before I go, I'll actually answer all of your texts and calls. It was stupid and immature to ignore the past like that, hopefully I won't make the same mistake over again.  

Thank you, 

Lennon (and Jude). 

thank yall so much for reading this. ily.