The Light of Dusk

Chapter Five - Lesson

There was no numbness this time, only tears. Fern ambled back to the Stump, sobbing the whole time. Her neonates weren't really sure how to react. They didn't understand what was happening. But they knew something terrible had happened that night, so they cried too. When they went to sleep, the only thing besides grief Fern could feel was regret.

* * * * *

The whole first day after the incident was spent on crying. There were small breaks, of course, but it continued. It got so bad they had to lap up some snow to keep from getting dehydrated. 

The second day was doing anything to keep them distracted from the pain. Fern went hunting all of the sun passing with nothing to show for it. Well, this was normal, but it didn't help. She hardly had the energy to eat the rabbit the Hwlyn had left her at the end of the day.

The third day, Fern knew she would have to explain what had happened to her neonates. Waiting would only make it worse. So, after a short hunting expedition with no luck, she had them gather in a circle to talk. The neonates looked confused, but they obliged.

"Okay.. so.." Where do I begin? "I want to talk to you about.. Life." There, easy. Just.. Speak. "So, you know how I eat prey? Like rabbits and mice and birds? Well, they are like us, but they can't understand what we are saying. I have to kill them in order for me to eat them." All four- three, Fern thought forlornly- looked confused. "Killing is like.. Making them unable to do anything. Almost like sleeping, except they can't wake up. That's what happened to Squirrel." Her voice trembled slightly. "No matter what, she cannot move anymore, or talk anymore, or see, or hear, or feel.." Fern choked back a painful sob. "What she is in is called death. Killing is when one thing makes another thing dead. Like Squirrel. The lynx did that." Her eyes hardened as she spoke the words for the first time. She forced herself to move onto another topic. "When you eat something, you take the energy from that thing to give it to yourself. You need that energy so you do not die. Without it, you would be like Squirrel. 

"The reason you don't eat prey, like me, is because when you were first born you didn't have teeth. Teeth chews up the food into smaller pieces so you can swallow it. The food goes down your throat into your stomach. Your stomach takes the energy from the food. Then, the food comes back out once all the energy is out. That's what happens when you make waste." Fern said matter-of-factly, ignoring all thoughts of dying and Squirrel and the lynx.

"What's borning?" Turtle asked, looking confused. "You've said it before but never told us what it is." Fern felt an ache of her heart. Innocent, sweet little Turtle.. Please don't let me lose you too.. "Well.. It's when a mother, like me, has neonates, like you, in her stomach. When the neonates are big enough to come out, they come out of the mom like waste, almost. That's what being born is." 

Dusk, Turtle and Squirrel looked shocked. "Did you eat us?!" Dawn asked indignantly. Fern felt heat rush to her ears. "Oh, no.. When.. A tom loves a she-cat very much.." What do I say?! They aren't ready for the facts! "He.. urm...... I'll tell you when you're older." Dusk looked frustrated. "How old?" He huffed. "When you're eight moons." Fern said quickly. Hopefully they'll forget about it by then.. "That's in forever! We'll be big as you by then!" Dusk retorted, annoyed. "No, you might, but not them." Fern nodded at Squirrel and Turtle. 

"Why am I different?" His face turned into a grimace. 

"Because you aren't all cat," she snapped. Dusk froze. "I knew it! I knew it!" He shouted. Her other two neonates stood by in utter confusion. "But.. He's our brother!" Dawn protested. "I know.. His father isn't the same as your father. His father.. Killed yours." I'm sorry, neonates.. But I had to tell the truth.. For a few agonizing seconds, nobody moved. Then came the torrent of words. "YOU NEVER TOLD US THAT!" "WHAT AM I, THEN? A DOG?" "Does it hurt..?" "Please calm down!" When the voices finally dialed down to heavy breathing, Fern spoke again. "I'm sorry I never told you.. I just wanted you to be ready. Dusk's father is not very good.." Dusk looked insulted, but before he could speak, Fern continued. 

"And Dusk.. Your father is a lynx. A lynx is a type of cat. Dogs and cats are two different species, you see. Canine and feline. We are felines. There are other groups of cats, called subspecies. We are called 'domestic' cats. Lynxes are a different subspecies. There are also lions, huge cats twice the size of a lynx with golden fur and shaggy manes. They are very brave. Then there are tigers, even bigger yet with bright orange fur and black stripes. They are sneaky and cunning. There are leopards, a little bigger than a lynx with fur a little lighter than a lion's. They have a black pattern on their fur, shaped like a crescent moon with a little spot in the middle. They are really smart. And cheetahs.. They are a little smaller than a lynx, but they are as golden as a lion with perfect black spots. They are the fastest animals in the world! There are also different breeds of each of these. I am a 'Maine Coon'. Maine Coons are big and look like a mini lynx. We have certain black stripes with a zigzag shape on our foreheads humans call 'm's'. Humans are very common and can live in any condition because they are smart enough to make pelts out of other animal's fur to keep warm. They only have fur on their heads, have no tail or claws and stand on their hind legs, like bears. Bears are twice the size of the biggest tiger and aren't a canine or feline. They can stand on hind legs or all four legs. They have thick fur with tails in the shape of a little ball, like a rabbit's. Their ears are round. They have all kinds of colors of fur. Grizzly bears have brown fur and are bigger than black bears. Black bears, of course, are black, but they like to eat plants and berries more than meat. I have heard of black and white bears called pandas that eat only one thing, a plant called 'bamboo.' I have also heard of white bears called polar bears that live in places that are like where we are, but without any trees and no dirt. Instead of dirt, there is ice. They eat seals through holes in the ice. Seals are about three times as big as me and have flippers. Their tail ends in a split..." Fern kept teaching them about everything she had said, forgetting about Turtle's question on if dying hurt. Dusk's questions were always like 'how dangerous is a bear?' or 'how long is a lion's claws?'. Once, he even asked 'how do you kill something?'. His questions got so bad Fern decided she was done teaching them. "How about tomorrow?" She suggested when it got late. After some coaxing, they agreed. In reality, Fern did not intend to teach them any more. At least not about this topic. At least not dying..