Because I Love You✔️

Chapter 60: Decision Gone Wrong

Opening his mouth, he tried calling her name, titling his face up to look at the rock.

But he choked.

Not physically, of course.

He choked mentally.

Pulse beating hard inside his neck, Xaphile tried calling her name three more times, but nothing came out.

He failed on each attempt, unable to make himself face her because suddenly he was nervous, so nervous that his tail curled and twisted itself into a knot before wrapping around his leg, fur fluffing out in agitation. He could feel the mane beneath his shirt bristle and rise when he tried a fourth time, but once again, he couldn't do it.

Mouth trembling, he walked away from the rock without saying a word, head bowed, biting his lip and trying not to scream in frustration since he had come out of the hot spring all gung-ho about confronting her head-on, but he couldn't.

He just couldn't do it, he was too afraid of what her answer would be and of what it would do to him so he scurried away from the rock like a coward.

He didn't bother looking where he was going until he felt a blast of steam on his face and realized he was only a few meters away from the boiling lake. He backed up on reflex, the heat making the water hard to approach, but when he got too far away he realized he was cold and it took a while to find the middle ground. When he did, though, he sat down and pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his face in them.

I'm dumb, he told himself. If she really did get a crush on you, so what? Get some confidence, you big baby! Grow a pair and talk to her! You have to get a clear, clean-cut answer! If you don't...

He trailed off.

What would he do with the information?

If it turned out that she didn't like him, things would probably pretty much stay the same.

Strained, but tolerable.

But if she was, in fact, somehow falling for him... he cringed, and no matter how hard he berated himself, he didn't get up since the thought scared him badly. He didn't want anyone to love him, or even like him, but that feeling was somehow on a whole different level with Ella Rochard: the thought didn't just stress him, it made him tremble from the inside out with anxiety to the point where he couldn't tell if he was going to puke, cry, or hyperventilate.

After many minutes of not moving and internally yelling at himself, he finally flopped backwards, ignoring all the little rocks that dug into his spine and just staring dumbly at the sky as his brain burnt itself out. His foot hurt, his head had begun to ache, and with a groan he buried his fingers in the pebbly ground.

Balling one into a fist, he held it up and let the pebbles inside trickle out onto the ground.

"What are you doing?"

Xaphile froze, heart flying up his throat, since he hadn't heard her walk up, although why that surprised him he couldn't say.

"Just... getting out for a bit?" he squeaked, staring at his hand through wide eyes.

"Why?"

"Inside was stuffy," he replied, dropping his arm so the crook of his elbow could cover his face. "Why are you out here?"

Ella didn't reply for a moment, and because he couldn't see her, it made him nervous.

"Inside was... stuffy."

"Oh," Xaphile mumbled, swallowing hard. "Okay."

There was silence for a second.

"Your foot is bleeding."