Killer Empire

Chapter 10

As far as Devora could guess, he was a mere pawn following the orders of someone higher up the food chain. A pawn — a man — with, most likely, a family waiting for him back home. He might have a spouse lovingly waiting up for him, or maybe children or elderly he had to feed with his wage. Maybe he lived alone, unloved, unwanted, and with no one to mourn the fact that he had just passed. Not that any of this mattered. It was too late for regrets, if she had any. He was already dead and the dead did not come back to life.

Death is the only permanent thing in this world. That fact will remain unchanged for all eternity.

What was truly frightening wasn't that she had taken lives. Rather, it was that she didn't regret taking them. After all, Devora knew that Nathan was right. In this harsh and cruel reality where the game they were playing was no longer something as simple as cops and robbers, those thugs would've killed them if they were caught. This was no playground and they were no longer kids. To survive in this kill-or-be-killed world, one had to strip away all of their innocence and naivety.

"I killed someone," she croaked, still staring fixedly at the lines on her palms. "I feel guilty but I also don't regret doing it. Why?"

A single tear dripped onto the dirt beneath her, the shade of golden brown darkening into chocolate. Nathan, who had just realized that the girl he was with was on the ground muttering mindlessly to herself, quickly dropped to his knees as well. Shuffling closer to her, he put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his embrace.

"Hey, hey. It's alright. They were kidnappers, thugs, gangsters, as much of a killer as we are. Or I am. The law would've sentenced them to death anyway, if they were caught. You don't have to put so much blame on yourself."

"But that's the thing!" Finally tearing her eyes away from her hands, Devora grasped at the collar of Nathan's shirt, clutching it hard between her fingers until her knuckles turned white and the fabric of his shirt wrinkled beyond hope. "That's the thing," she repeated, this time softer. "I don't blame myself. Not after I think about how he could've killed me. Not after how I think about how I could've been the one dead on the forest floor with no one to collect my body. I'm scared! Why am I... How did I... I'm a monster!"

"Devora!"

Warm hands gripped her cold shoulders, giving her a good shake to get her to look at him properly. With lips still quivering and fingers still tightly holding onto Nathan's collar like a lifeline, Devora slowly looked up to meet his eyes. Their faces were mere inches apart and she could see every fine detail of his features. He was beautiful, yes, but the light in his eyes seemed to glow a haunting red just like her hands.

"It's alright to prioritize yourself over other people. Don't listen to all those people that tell you to put strangers' lives before your own. We go by the law of the jungle. Only the strong survive. It's alright if you're choosing to save yourself. And not only that, you saved me. Rather than just thinking about how you took lives, remember that you also saved mine. I could've never gone against so many of them on my own."

"But they're dead. I killed them. This red," Devora finally released her hold on Nathan's collar so that she could show him her hands, "I can never wash this red off."

Nathan sighed, placing a hand over hers so that he shielded her palms from her line of sight.

"They would've died anyway," Nathan confessed. "Even if you hadn't killed them, even if we had escaped this forest without taking a single life, my boss would've still sent in a group of people to eradicate those people. Hell, he might even send me back in to kill them. And if it had come down to that, it wouldn't be as simple as a bullet to the head. They would've been brought back to headquarters, tortured for information, before being left for the dead. You're showing them mercy."