Not Without You

Chapter 21: When It All Doesnt Matter

I grab a notebook from by drawer and start writing. The words are very ramble-y and don't make much sense so I rip it out and throw it crumpled onto the floor.

An hour goes by and I hear the door open.

Chris is here.

I jump out my bed and start picking up the paper from the floor and throwing it in the bin.

It's about noon.

I don't have much time left.

Chris knocks on my door but comes in anyway and catches me stuffing the paper into the trash. I notice I forgot one piece and I rush to pick it up and throw it out while trying and failing to look casual.

"Hey Phil..." He starts as he eyes me suspiciously, "Are you okay? Dan seems quite worried"

"Yeah I'm fine Chris, I'm just er- trying to get ideas for a erm video" He nods and backs out of my room.

I close my door, locking it this time.

I sit back down on my bed and continue to write.

Many hours passed, Chris had left and I've finally got a final draft. The words fit together half decently and they explain exactly what I needed to say.

I folded it carefully and layed it on my pillow.

It was about 7:30 now. Just getting dark.

Perfect timing. Little to no cars would be on the road and nobody would walk past and see what I was doing.

My room was tody except for the over flowing trash can. My fault.

I unlocked my door and started down the hallway.

"Hey Phil, did you film that video? you were awfully quiet." Dan asked from where he was sitting on his MacBook on the couch.

"Um no I couldn't think of a good video idea. I'm gonna go get some fresh air though, okay?" I started fiddling with my hands nervously as I stood there in jeans and a T-shirt.

"At this time of night? Are you sure?" I nod silently and quietly take my phone and keys out of my pocket. I won't be needing those anymore. "Okay but be careful. You know what it's like in London at this time of night."

I nod.

"Thank Dan. I love you." I start towards the door.

"Of course Phil? I love you too?" He stands up and follows me to the door.

He looks at my questioningly.

I pull him into a tight hug and he hugs back with uncertainty.

I whisper something into his ear before pulling away from him.

"Goodbye." I open the door and leave as I can just faintly hear him behind me telling me to put my coat on.

I just left.

When I make it out of the building I am blasted with chilly air but it doesn't bother me. I just feel numb.

I keep walking.

Not caring about vehicles I walk across the streets without looking. If a car was to hit me it wouldn't make much difference at the end of the day.

It feels like quicker walk than usual as I make it to the bridge in what feels like only minutes when it was at least an hour walk from the flat.

I sit on the edge of the bridge on the railing.

It's very peaceful. Until I hear someone screaming from somewhere behind me.

I can make out what they are saying but it doesn't matter.

I eye up the drop. If all goes well this is high enough.

I can just about make out what the person is screaming. They seem to be getting closer to me. I pray to whoever is listening that it's not Dan.

The words are jumbled up but I can now make out the figure running towards me.

It's Dan.

And he seems to be calling out my name.

"PHIL!" I hear him scream. I look at him sadly. He's not cut out for running.

"Stop right there Dan." I call out just loud enough for him to hear. He's right across the street from where I'm sitting ready to jump.

"Please get down from there Phil. Please I need you, Phil please comeback I can help you." He starts crying. Its hard to tell in the dark but I can hear him.

"I can't Dan.. This is something I've got to do for me. I'm assuming you've read my note so please you don't have to watch this." I'm crying now too. My voice breaks.

I shuffle closer to the edge, looking away from Dan.

He screams.

"NO-" He's cut off. A car horn drags out through the night and my head snaps to see what's happened.

I jump off the edge and run over to where the car is now stopped, the driver had jumped out of the car, and Dan was laying in the middle of the road in a pool of his own blood.

"CALL 999!" (I can't remember if that's the number for the ambulance in London but like whatever just go with it.) I yell and the man and he pulls out his phone.

I bend down next to Dan, his eyes are fluttering as it's hard for him to keep them open. I put my hand on his cheek and he manages to open his eyes.

"Ph-Phil," He manages out.

"Shhhh its going to be okay Dan you'll be okay. You have to be okay. I can't live without you." Im mumbling more to myself now. I hear the ambulance heading this way.

"I love you, Phil" He manages out.

"I know Dan. I love you too."

The ambulance arrives and they put Dan into the back. I hop up too as I watch them work furiously to keep him alive.

The only thing I can do is cry.