Take the pen

I love you...that's the truth.

All messed up is what I am right now. So crazy. Can't think straight. It's driving me crazy, you're driving me crazy. It's unbelievable how wild my mind is going, and mesmerizing how all my thoughts revolve around you. I hate it but at the same time I love it.

I hate it because my thoughts are no longer mine, but all yours but still I love it because the thoughts are about you, you are in my mind all the time. That's kinda normal since you stole my heart. I won't call you thief though because I well wanted you to take my heart from me. I well wanted to give you my heart, to let you have it and guard it. You just have to take care of it and not harm it, that is all what I'm asking. Indeed without heart I would die. Nevertheless, knowing that YOU are the guardian of my heart, the keeper of my heart, keeps me alive but if you were to destroy it would destroy me. That is something I don't want to happen at all, that is my biggest fear, even before my phobias.

The love I have for you goes beyond my understanding, I can't explain it to myself let alone to anybody else.

I never thought, I never would have imagined I would have felt such a love. THE Love with capital L as people call it, as I've read in so many books. I guess it is that love because of the way I'm unable to explain it, I can only feel it. In order to understand it someone has to feel it, and only then you would know what I'm talking about.

I would do anything for you, I think I'd even die if it were to save you. That is how crazy my love for you is.

I am crazy in love with you. It fucking scares me. It is fucking scary because it's powerful, therefore it could make me do anything or almost anything for you.

I'm scared of only admitting and confessing I love you because I'm scared you're going to hurt me, you're going to crush my feelings, you're going to crush my heart; I already told you it would all kill me. Loving you consumes me and it's the first time I'm feeling it. I don't wanna be consumed but if it is for you I accept the sacrifice. (That is how crazy I am once again).

Admitting I love you makes me feel vulnerable and it's such a big statement and a big thing that I don't want to abuse of it, abuse of the word, use it to describe something that is not.

But I'm pretty sure what I feel is LOVE. Yes, I love you. It is fucking scary to say it out loud, or just think it out loud, allow the thought, but I do love you.