A Healed Heart. (A mans love book 1)

Part 5: Old sins cast long shadows

"When the past becomes present,

you lose your future."

-Sissy Gravellier

Chapter 13

I sped down highway 85 at almost 85 mph, way beyond the speed limit. Hopefully there would be no patrol men out this time of night. When I arrived at the hospital, I realized that I didn't know who I was supposed to be looking for. When I got to the reception desk, I looked around for anyone who would seem familiar, and then I saw a woman power-walking frantically to where I was at. "You must be Anthony." She said. "Yes," I answered simply. I'm Susan Addington; Zach has told me so much about you, I feel like I already know you." She said. I froze, and let the woman's words sink in. "Zach? As in Zach Addington?" I asked. "Yes," She said. "He said he knew you in the 8th grade." My mind flashed back to when I knew Zach. Zachary and I had met my second day in 8th grade when I was 15. I almost immediately fell for him, and I thought that I had fallen in love with him. I loved him so much, and I thought that he felt the same way. When we met, an immediate connection formed. And we began talking every day. I finally came out to him around week 4, when I thought that we were destined to be together. He told me that he would think about it, and I was thrilled. I had been rejected so many times, that a maybe felt like a yes. Unfortunately, that very next day, he told me that he was dating another girl. I was devastated, and I felt as though my world was over. That's when I learned that there was a dark side to him. He began trying to be my boyfriend, and for some reason, I took him back. But then he outed me, claimed I was trying to hit on him, and he was straight, and tried to blame it on me. It was then that I was done, and I cut him off altogether. When I left the 8th grade, I felt as though I huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I thought I had totally put this incident behind me, and I was ready to move on with my life. Now I was sitting here in the hospital, being called by his mother, who told me that he had just tried to kill himself. "Why, why would you call me?" I asked. I was tempted to walk out of the hospital now, but only sheer curiosity kept me where I was. "He......we wanted someone who would understand him, someone he could trust." Susan said, a look of pity and fear in her eyes. "Someone he could trust?" I almost bellowed. "Did he tell you that when I needed him most, when I trusted him, he betrayed me and outed me in front of everyone?" "Yes," Susan said, her eyes brimming with tears. "He did. And he knew that you would be hesitant to help him because of what he did to you." "More like I would have already made up my mind not to help him." I snorted as I turned on my heels to walk out of the hospital. But Susan grabbed my shoulder. "Anthony, please." She begged. "My son is hurting; he needs you....... he needs you now." "What about me?" I demanded. "What about when I was hurting, and he did nothing except make the pain worse? What about that?!" I shouted. Susan looked at me with a pleading expression on her pale face. "Anthony, please." She said. "You may say you hate him, but I know, deep down, you still think about him, you still love him, I can tell." "No, you can't." I snarled. "You don't know shit about me." All you know is that your son outed me, and now he wants to ring me up because he couldn't take five seconds of whatever pain someone caused him. Susan looked at me in disbelief. "You really don't know do you?" She asked. "What are you talking about?" I demanded. "Zach never told you?" She said. "Tell me what? What are you talking about?" I asked. Susan sighed. "Zach was raped by his cousin for the past eleven years." She said. "What?" I asked. "H-how?" "I don't know." Susan said. He told me a few days before he tried to kill himself." He took me aside and told me the entire story, but when I tried to call the police, he took my phone and smashed it on the floor. He begged me not to tell anyone, because he said that his cousin would kill him if he said anything." "What made him tell you now?" I asked. "He said he couldn't take the pain. And if that wasn't enough, the first time his cousin raped him was the first time that he realized that he was gay." I was finally beginning to understand the full picture. Susan must've seen the look in my eye, because she sighed with relief. "Now do you understand?" She asked. "Yeah, I do." I said. Everything Zach had done, everything he had kept from me during our relationship, everything he had lied to me about, it had all came down to this. I'm not saying his actions are justified and pardoned, but I was willing to forgive him because it wasn't entirely his fault. "How is he?" I asked. "He cut himself multiple times, and he tried to hang himself." Susan told me. "The doctor's said I was lucky to have found him when I did, otherwise he'd have died." "Can I see him?" I asked. "If you want to." Susan said. I nodded my head, and she led me into the intensive care unit where Zach's room was. I saw his name on the door, it said. "Addington, Zachary T." When I entered, I saw a large window overlooking the entire city, a television playing a really old sitcom, and the medical instruments, and then there was Zach. He was lying on the bed with hospital scrubs that were several sizes too big for him. He had an oxygen tube traveling into his mouth which made a light breathing sound. He looked pretty much the same, his hair was the same way it had always been, really dark and curly. I remember when I used to love him, his hair was one of my favorite parts of his body. I used to play with it all the time, running my fingers through it, planting my nose in it to inhale his fumes. He still had a thin, beautiful frame on him, with skinny legs and arms. And when he slept, he was as silent as a corpse. I approached him and gently touched his hand. His skin was so cold, and I remembered when it used to be warm and smooth. "Zach?" I whispered gently. His eyes fluttered open, and he looked at me before rasping; "Anthony, is that you?" The oxygen tube in his mouth was making it difficult for him to speak, but I head every word clearly. "Yes." I said, my eyes filling with tears. I remember when I first heard his voice, it was like someone in heaven was playing a harp. He smiled before reaching up and gently touching my face. "Oh, you look so handsome." He said. Without really knowing what I was doing, I kissed his hand. "I missed you so much." He said. Suddenly a doctor came in and checked his diagnostic readout. "How is he doctor?" I asked. The doctor seemed to ignore me, and continued reading the machine panel. After he jotted down some notes, he turned to me. "He's stable for now, but you need to let him get his rest, the sedatives we gave him will knock him out until morning. You can come get him then." I sighed with relief, and Susan began gently weeping tears of joy. I looked back to Zach, who was losing consciousness. "Anthony?" Zach asked weakly. "It's okay Zach, I said as he gently gripped my hand. "I'm here, and I will be here until it's time for you to go home." I felt Zach's grip on me weaken. "I-I love you Anthony." Zach murmured before he gently slipped into unconsciousness. I dropped Zach's hand and stood back, unbelieving of what I'd just heard. Did he just say that he loved me?" I tried to deny it. No, he was going unconscious, he didn't know what he was saying. But then I realized, he knew who I was, so why wouldn't he know what he was saying. Even so, I would not fall victim to this again. I have a boyfriend, if he wanted me, he should've thought about that before he hurt me and outed me like he did. Susan asked me if I could stay at the hospital with her until morning, but I declined. I needed to get home to my boyfriend, who was probably worried sick about me. He had called me four times. And it was now 2:45 am. I was dead tired, and I needed a warm bed with a warm body inside. I smiled as I thought of Ryan, I wished Susan a goodnight and hopped into my car, eager to get home.