In Over My Head

Descisions and Regrets

I stare down at the piece of paper in my hand in disbelief. I close my eyes and open them back up again, trying to see if the number would magically disappear. Nope.

Still a big fat 61% in chemistry.

The rest of my mid term marks are great. I got 85% and above in every other subject. So why does my stupid teacher have to go and ruin my honour roll streak with a freaking 61%? Oh who am I kidding. This is all my fault. I quickly raise my hand up, still trying to get the blood to rush through my brain once again.

"Yes, Miss Millman?" Mr. Dreary asks as he peers over at me, bringing his glasses to rest on the bridge of his nose.

"May I use the washroom please?" I ask impatiently. I need some air.

Mr.Dreary sighs annoyedly. "Fine. Two minutes."

"Of course." I reassure him.

I bolt out of my seat and make my way to the school entrance. As usual, I walk through the halls smack in the middle. Not slightly to the left. Not slightly to the right. In the middle. It's a habit I've learned to stick to it since grade 3. I do it because I like to think that if I'm in the middle of everything, I will always know what's coming at me. It makes me feel far more superior, like I have some sort of purpose, even if the halls are just as empty as they are now.

9:14 am.

I finally reach my destination, and all worrying thoughts about my mark reluctantly come pouring back. But just as I slam myself against the door to open it up quickly, I here an "oomf" and an "agh". I rapidly step outside to see who I accidentally hit with the door.

"Oh its you." I shamelessly say when I see Noah on the ground, his hands under his shirt rubbing the part where I'm guessing I slammed into him. I dont know why, but some part of me wished it was an unfamiliar face that I slammed into, so that I didn't have to stop and chit chat and maybe have to explain why I looked the way I did.

"Yeah I'm completely fine, thank you for asking." Noah gets up, immediately towering over top of me. He examines my face quickly and his irritation immediately turns into concern.

"What's wrong, Autumn?"

I turn to face him abruptly. "It's nothing." I say, turning my back away from him and taking a few steps forward. I hear Noah's footsteps as he circles around and stands in front of me to get me to look him in the eye.

"I'm going to ask again: What's wrong?" He asks me, determined to get an answer. I peel my eyes away from the ground and land them onto his green ones. Sigh.

"I have a 61 in chemistry." I say at last, forcing out the hurtful words. I brace myself for the fake remorse and apologies, but nothing comes. Instead, Noah bursts out laughing.

"Oh my god," He says between laughs, "thats why your upset? Because of a mark?"

Huh? "Why are you laughing? I thought you of all people would understand!" I yell at him, frustrated.

"Autumn, for a minute there I thought someone died or something. Sure, a bad mark sucks, but the look on your face? You looked heart broken." Noah keeps laughing and I smack his arm angrily.

"Okay, well now you know why I'm upset! Happy? Can I go now?" I blabber to him, my arms crossed and ready to walk away.

"Wait. I'm sorry." He says as his laughter dies down and as he puts his arms out to stop me from leaving. I look down at his toned arms and I can't help but notice how strong they look. Okay, I have come to a conclusion that every little thing about this guy is way too attractive for my liking. Why oh why now, hormones?

"Okay." I just say, still a little peeved. We continue to stare at each other. My eyes filled with hatred, while his with sparks.

"Hey, I've got an idea!" Noah exclaims as excited as a little boy that just spotted an ice cream truck.

"Yes..?" I begin, a little hesitant.

"How about I tutor you?"

******************************************

"Autumn! Dinners ready and on the table!" My mother yells from on top of the basement stairs.

"Coming." I yell back, throwing my too warm blanket off my body. I dangle my legs onto the edge of my bed and rub my eyes only to reveal my face staring back at me. I stare at my reflection for a few seconds and then pull myself off my bed. Turning my phone on, I check the time. 6:35 pm. So much for that 15 minutes nap.

I run up the stairs and spot Mom standing at the sink, her back to me. She's wearing a tank top and her hair is in a loose and low ponytail. Of course she looks absolutely gorgeous, as usual. She has the kind of fair skin that glows so unnaturally and a laugh that can make all your problems go away. I watch her tuck a strand of her loose golden brown hair behind her ear and I make my way over to her and kiss her on the cheek.

"Hi mama." I tell her. She flashes me a beautiful smile, the one I love so much.

"Hey honey. Foods ready, your dad's already waiting at the table." By the tone of her voice and the way her shoulders are relaxed, I know she is in one of her good moods. I decide from there to try not to ruin it. As the family settles down onto the table, Dad opens up a conversation about school.

"I got a call saying you got your mid term report cards today." He says as he takes a bite out of the spoon full of sticky rice. Mom looks up from pouring my Dad some juice.

"Oh?" She says, implying that she wants a confirmation on whether that piece of information is true or not. 

Shit. "Um... yeah." I answer, avoiding eye contact with the both of them. I try to mentally urge them into not asking me to see my marks, but pretending that was possible became exhausting quickly and I knew I wasn't going to get away with anything anytime soon.

"Well, I'd like to see it."

No you don't.

I curse myself in my head and drag myself down to my room. I return to the dining table with a crumpled paper in hand and I give it to Dad with the sweetest smile I can pull off. I shoot the same grin to my mom, who just looks at me suspiciously.

And then I make a sprint for it.

I close my bedroom door from behind me and slide down against it with my face buried in my hands.

3

2

1

"Autumn Hunter Millman!" Mom's voice travels all over the house, reaching both my ears perfectly, just loud enough to make me go half-deaf.

I groan. So much for keeping her in a good mood.

After a few more minutes of thinking and congemplating like an idiot, I make the decision to scramble onto my bed and quickly open up the messaging app on my phone. Pressing onto an empty chat box with Noah Grayson, I take a deep breath and type.

'I'll do it.'