Chapter 10 - I Think I Am Finally Clean

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by CauseltsGravity

by CauseltsGravity

Hey guys sorry that I haven't been updating everyday and I'm not going to make excuses as to why I don't update everyday, but i need motivation. I'm one of those people who is reluctant to doing something, but when I start to do it, I get into it. It's just weird. I'm weird. I know. So I'm getting kind of bored of writing about Taylor just being in the hospital, so I'm gonna change the plot.(a bit)

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TAYLORS POV

I did it. After those few weeks of me being depressed and wanting to kill myself, I pulled through against the odds. I'm now packing my stuff up, ready to leave the hospital. It's been a long journey , but I feel like I'm ready to move on to a new chapter in my life now. With Tom. I leave an envelope on my bed for my nurse Abby. She has been there for me through SO MUCH and I can't thank her enough.So I left the envelope. Inside there's a 100,000 dollar/pound bill.i know that she works her butt off here at the hospital just to feed her two beautiful daughters, who I've met on several occasions. We've promised to keep in touch but I'll see her soon as we'll be in touch. I still see my psychologist once a week because my anxiety got really bad while I was at the hospital, like worse than before, and they're going to slowly ease me out of it. I look outside and see the beautiful cliff just outside the window.

Flashback

I finally managed to crawl out the tiny window and and slowly started to make my way over to the cliff. I left a note on my bed for Tom, knowing that I couldn't do it without an explanation. As I walk over , the wind really starts to pick up.Was I really doing this? I took another step closer. I could feel myself getting nervous. What if I survived? I'd have to live wit the guilt of Tom never forgiving me for what I've done. I hear voices in my head, as if they're arguing with each other.

"Do it, you won't regret it" one says.

'No. You're about to throw away everything. Your boyfriend. Your family. Your friends, career, your LIFE.' I hear another one say.

"Stop wasting time and JUST DO IT ALREADY!" The first one yells.

'DON'T DO IT!' The second one cries. It goes back and forth until I yell "STOP!" I feel like I'm going insane with these voices in my head. The first voice was a reckless version of me, hating myself for everything, making me feel bad. My psychologist said that it's name was Anorexia. The other voice was me.That young bubbly girl that I once was. Always laughing and rolling my eyes at people because they were being stupid. I wish I could go back to that time. Where I couldn't care less about what I looked like .Where calories didn't count. When i wasn't scarred from the bad things in the world. This was when I realised I didn't want to fight it anymore. It was Anorexia and I wasn't afraid of it anymore. For probably at least a year now it had full control over me, changing everything about myself. I wanted to get better.I think I am finally clean. Then I hear another voice. It wasn't Anorexia or even myself. It was my knight in shining armour. As if he read my mind he said "You don't have to do this alone." I turn around and there's Tom , standing with his head out the window. I burst into tears.

End of Flashback.

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"Are you ready love?" Tom says. "I think so, are you?" I ask. "Why wouldn't I be?" He replies laughing. He could always make me smile. I pick up my suite case, but Tom insists on taking it for me."I'll take it. You just make sure you don't trip in those ten inch heels," Tom says, taking it off me. "They're not ten inches high! They're only five," I reply, trying to get my bag back of Tom. "You make it sound like five inches is nothing. I think I'd be dead if I had to wear those for a day!" He laughs and I give in and we leave the hospital. When we get home, I was ecstatic to see the cats. Dibbles was definitely more interested in me than Meredith, but even she let me cuddle her. I was so tired for no apparent reason. "Shall we watch Netflix?" I ask, jumping on the couch. "Netflix and Chill?" Tom says. I gasp.

TOMS POV

Taylor gasps and raises her eyebrows at me."Tom, are sure about this?" She says. "Sure about what? Netflix and chill? Isn't that what all the kids are saying these days?" I ask, oblivious to what 'Netflix and Chill' meant. I thought it was just watching Netflix and just chillin' but it must mean something else. "You don't know what it means, do you?" She says." It means ... To have sex with Netflix in the background," I burst out laughing. "Sorry Tay! I didn't know it meant that! I should really catch up with my slang,you know," We laugh as she puts on Dance Moms. (That's so random , but that's like my favourite thing right now) I don't know why , but Taylor and I find something so entertaining about Dance Moms. Maybe it's all the drama that goes on, or maybe it's the fact that Abby is kind of fat, I don't know. But I just kept on watching until , I fell asleep.

I wake up and I feel a wave of sickness hit me. Rush to the bathroom and empty the contents of my stomach in the toilet bowl. I'm generally surprised as it was usually Taylor who was being sick. "Tom? Tom babe, are you ok?" She takes a look at me and she looks worried. I'm shaking, and I feel a bit dizzy. "You look really sick." She says, putting her hand to my forehead. "I think you got the flu. I'll go get you some medication,"

TAYLORS POV

I put on a hat and sunglasses, and leave( I wasn't wearing Panamax if you're wondering). I rushed out and forgot to tell security I'm leaving, so I was just by myself, without bodyguards. I find the nearest pharmacy and pick up some medication for Tom. I realise that I'm really tired, so I go into the nearest Starbucks to grab a coffee. Then there's the person who I never wanted to see again.

"Taylor..."