Pinned but Fluttering

Chapter 19

Finally he finished. “You can turn around now,” he ordered brusquely.

I turned around toward him, and his face was again set in the familiar hard expression that I knew all too well from the past year. Part of me wanted to cry; his kindness in removing the glass splinters had given me a sliver of hope...a hope that maybe he didn't hate me as much as he usually did, perhaps even a sign that he was sorry for shattering the bulb over me last night.

But as my eyes searched his face, my hopes plummeted. His expression was inexorable; there was nothing that could support the hope that had sprung up in my mind and heart.

Tears came, and I couldn't help it; I was truly grateful for his help. Without thinking, I reached out, placing my hand on his forearm as I whispered, “Thank you, Jake.”

Then I saw it. It happened in the merest split-second, but I saw it....

Agony.

Regret.

Self-hatred.

Jacob's eyes betrayed a deep pain beyond anything I had seen, even deeper than his and Billy's pain when Sarah Black had been killed...when I had killed her.

All too quickly, the vulnerable pain was gone from Jacob's black eyes, and the hardness returned...tenfold...as he shook off my hand. “You have two minutes to use the bathroom,” he snarled at me, turning his back and striding away toward his room.

I stood there in the hallway for a second, bemused by the events that had happened so quickly...and especially by the revelation in Jacob's eyes.

Pausing at his bedroom door, he looked over his shoulder and saw me standing there, open-mouthed like an idiot, and his lips folded into a cruel line.

“Go!” he yelled, moving toward me quickly and grabbing my forearm to propel me toward the bathroom, flinging my uninjured shoulder into the bathroom door frame.

As I pushed my way into the bathroom, closing the door behind me, tears filled my eyes and a muffled sob escaped my chest, partly a result of the physical pain of my newest bruises, but more from the emotional pain of Jacob's unexpected cruelty.

Why did he hate me so much? Why was he pushing me away despite that split-second of agonized vulnerability? Why had he practically defended me to Billy yesterday afternoon while I eavesdropped on their conversation from the porch yet terrorized me in my room last night, forcing me to remain covered with glass in pitch darkness all night?

I stumbled to the toilet, grateful for the chance to relieve myself although it took me a few moments to be able to pee with such a full bladder. Afterward, I washed my hands, wincing as the cold water hit the many cuts and scrapes from the glass and examining the dozen or so shallow cuts on my face in the mirror as I carefully brushed my teeth. Fortunately, the facial cuts were already mostly scabbed over from the shower of glass last night, but when added to the yellowed bruises on my chin and cheek from earlier in the week, I looked pretty awful. Makeup wouldn't help me much with the cuts. I wondered what I would do to cover them for school today.

If I was going to school today, that is....

CarefullyI opened the bathroom door and saw no one. I stood there, undecided. Should I go into my room and change for school? Should I go back into the bathroom and try to mask my bruises and cuts with makeup in preparation for school? Or should I approach the kitchen and see if I could get some breakfast? After missing dinner last night, I was starving; my stomach ached with emptiness.

Allowing the insistent hunger to make up my mind, I took a few steps toward the kitchen, only to stop in my tracks as Jacob appeared with a plastic tray in hand.