Missing Stars

Chapter 9 | After

Chapter 9 | After

For half an hour, I stood from across the counter, watching Caro scrub pots clean and dry plates on the sink. She didn't break down in a spatter of jumbled words, a puff of grey smoke or a thrash of metallic limbs. I was certain Caro would live a long dead life.

With the construction workers off to work and the school kids back to school, the café is silent. I stretch out my hands, stifle a yawn and walk to the door.

"Thanks for fixing Caro, Space Girl," Ben says, beaming.

He throws his arms around my legs and I bend around him, patting his back. When he pulls away, I memorize the glint of happiness in his eyes and the dimpled smile he gives me.

"Will you come see us again?" he asks.

Alex shoots me a curious look. I open my mouth to explain but my voice gets stuck in my throat. I don't want to tell him that I won't be around for another ten years, that I may never return to Kenya at all. Ben looks at me with so much expectation. I can't douse the hope burning in his eyes so I construct my answer like a storyteller weaving a tale, a sister leaving out the gory details of a bedtime story to her younger brother. I snip layers of gritty truth and unforeseeable future, replacing the gaps with possibilities and potential.

"I hope so," I lift a hand above my head, "but when I return, you'll be bigger. You'll be a strong young man."

Ben's face lights up. "Like Alex?"

Alex grins but doesn't say anything.

"Yes," I say, looking daggers at him before directing a smile at Ben. "And the world will be different. There will be more buildings, better androids and cooler technology."

Ben mouths the word technology, tasting the flavor of its syllables.

"Maybe when that time comes, the Starbike will race across the galaxies," I say.

The Starbike, despite its lame name, is a futuristic concept by the intergalactic corporation Nadar Holdings, an evolved form of the typical hoverbike that has the capability of providing a thrilling ride in space without falling to the pull of gravity as it leaves a planet's atmosphere.

"I want to ride a Starbike when I grow up!" Ben curls his fingers in what he imagines to be a motorbike and makes a vhoom vhoom sound as he speeds across the café, dodging chairs and tables.

"Me too, Ben," Alex says, his tone wistful.

I steal a glance at him. He has his head bowed, blond curls casting a shadow over his eyes, fists closed tightly around the hem of his shirt. He catches me looking and in his gaze, I see something dark and lost melded into steely grey.

"Say goodbye to Alex," Lydia calls his son.

Ben pounces on him in a flurry of movement. Alex lets out an unguarded laugh. The sound rends a tear in my heart. I am reminded of moments shared in pockets of reality and slips of a game—Alex tickling me while I squirm on a bed of sunflowers, giggling like a little girl. I see him shaking with laughter, ensnared by my bubble of happiness. He reaches for my hand, twining his fingers between my own. I see myself pulling him into the water while he laughed, crashing waves lapping at our ankles and the moon above us bathing the ocean in silver. I feel the yearning in my heart as I watch Alex share a joke about his brothers through my EyeCOMM, wishing with all of my soul that I could bend time and space, that I could push through the hologram and touch him.

The memories shatter in a surge of bitterness. I am back in the café where three pairs of eyes stare at me with concern. I breathe in deeply, feel air burn through my lungs. I cloak myself in rage, strengthening my feet in its burning haze.

Alex straightens up, one arm stretched towards me. I look away from him.

"I have to go." I take Lydia's hand in mine and squeeze. "I'm sorry. I don't have much time left."

"Thank you for your help," Lydia gives me a sad smile, "and safari njema."

I bid Lydia and Ben goodbye and then I'm out into the streets. The sky is a bowl of pale blue, cracked by tendrils of thin clouds. The churn of heat pounds against the top of my head, across my face, along my neck. A hawker waves a set of kiondo baskets at me but I shake my head. I cross the road in a hurry, ignoring the angry hoots and warnings hurled my way. The street is teeming with bodies. The air is heavy with sweat. Alex's voice roars behind me but I let the crowd swallow me. Let him get lost in the maze of streets, let him feel the fear of being abandoned in the heart of a strange city.

I walk into an alley, the scent of rot at my nose. My breaths feel sour in my throat. My vision swirls in dark hues. I brace myself against a brick wall. Faceless men leer at me from tattered posters. My eyes bleed from the turmoil inside me. No no, I don't want to cry. I cannot crumble. I am a wall, I am a wall, I am a wall—

Someone grabs my wrist. I tug free, spin around and swing at Alex's chest. A sob sets itself free from my mouth. I hit again and again, the rage inside of me a livid storm at its crescendo. Not once does he stop me. And when the storm in my heart has calmed and the tears staining my face have dried, he rests his head on the crook of my shoulder.

My hands fall at my sides. I picture the haunted look on Alex's face, the sharp cheekbones, the scar on his neck snaking its way down his collarbone, hiding secrets beneath his shirt. Something stirs in my chest—guilt.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there at the airport. I'm sorry I hurt you"—his voice is raw and shaky—"still am." He stays still and I wait in silence. "I know I am being selfish but please don't leave me."

He steps back and wears his emotions bare for me. There is hope and despair, fear and longing. It is the look of a dying man clutching at the threads of life. I want to look away but I can't. I want to gather my rage and hold it close to me but it slips from my grasp like speckles of sand between thin fingers.

"Just a few hours with you and I'll be gone," Alex says. "Please, Kelrina."

I turn my back to him. I shake away the feeling of guilt, summon a semblance of calm until all that's left in me is a sense of righteousness. I wouldn't do what he had done to me not because of pity but because it wouldn't ring true to my heart.

"Have you ever boarded a boda boda?" I ask, a map of Uhuru Gardens unraveling in my mind. I pick out the shortest route.

"Huh?"

"There." I point at the narrow monorail above an old building where a group of riders in yellow jackets lean against parked hoverbike taxis. One of them spots me and waves his hand.

Alex steps beside me and gives me a cautious glance as if he's afraid I'll run off again. I don't. Finally, his shoulders sag in relief. "Not really but I own one. For personal use I mean. Not a boda boda."

I snort at his funny accent. Turning away from the group, I lead him through the stinking alley, past a row of boutiques and salons, through a small playground until we come to a stop at a parking lot. Beneath a banyan tree, a line of black hoverbikes gleam in the sunlight. On the gnarled branches, a neon signpost flashes a downward arrow before displaying a scrawl of letters and numbers.

With my EyeCOMM on, I pay the fee using my M-Pesa account. One of the hoverbikes comes to life, glowing in strips of crimson. For one hour, it's all ours.

"In that case," I say to Alex, "I'm gonna need a ride."

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I just wanted to thank you all for your continuous support. I'm sorry you have to put up with my slow updates but I'm grateful for your patience. As always, if you enjoyed the chapter, don't forget to leave a vote and a comment.