sinners • chanyeol

Epilogue

There was one thing that you didn't show me, Chanyeol, can you guess? It was the thing I desired the most, the one I gave you while I gave you all my life. Instead you showed me how brutal one could be, how mighty one could feel while holding a knife or a gun. Maybe that was your kind of love, I didn't know.

And I still don't know.

I now know how empty and lost a half moon must have felt like every time, I am also half a moon without you. We have spent so many night under the same one together yet we were never truly one. Did we ever see a complete the one together?

I don't remember.

"We don't need you."
I say, furrowing my eyebrows as my hand trembles, my fingers enclosing the trigger. With my other I caress my stomach, our child faintly crying. It was the 7. Month. Last trimester.

I tell myself that I can't hear it but my heart bleeds and I know it's happening.

"Stop."

You say.

"Stop doing this."

I pull the trigger, close my eyes, awaiting the moment of the release of pain- but it's postponed, seconds, moments and it doesn't come.

"Are you looking for this?"

I open my eyes, facing you with a gun while you aim towards my heart.

I extend my hand, eyes pleading with tears, our child still crying even though we both can't hear it.
"Do it. It would be a pleasure being killed by you, Park Chanyeol. You've tried it a lot of times, but now youre actually aiming a gun towards my heart."

"Take our secret to your grave."

You whisper, your finger brushing against the trigger.

"I always found it beautiful when I saw blood dripping from your skin, you looked so entrancing, you made pain look so beautiful."

But slowly you turn the gun around, pointing it towards your very own heart.

I didn't know things would take such strange turn today. I told you you'd kill me once even if you were actually killing yourself. You didn't need to point the gun towards me to have me killed too.

The gun pointed towards yourself, the trigger pulled, my mind filled with an void the moment I hear the small click.
But, strangely, you don't seem to fall in any of the following moments. Time stands still as your eyes widen, my world trips and collapses. Obscurely I feel my knees giving in, feeling this stinging in my my core, so extreme that it numbs me.

Weren't you supposed the one to feel it?

All I see is how the smile from your face fades, the gun in your hand silently dropping to the ground. You're suddenly upside down, I see your mouth moving but no words arrive in my head. I feel a presence behind me, another gun falling next to my face covered in dirt before the person disappears.

You look at them in shock, before you crouch down next to me.

All I hear is our child crying and silence.

Beautiful silence under the full moon; it was red. I didn't know if it was a lunar eclipse or if it was my blood drenching my vision.

But all I cared about was that it was a complete moon and, for the first and last time, we shared the view of it together.