The Separation [ON HOLD]

Chapter Five

There are times when words fail to express emotions. That was Afeefa's condition. No words and no amount of tears could describe how agonising it felt. How terribly it hurt. But her pain could be seen in her eyes. It is said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. It could never be more true. Her eyes were staring unseeingly at the hospital wall. Every once in a while, her lips would turn up in a small hollow smile, scaring the people watching her. She kept pushing away her mother's comforting hands. When Junaid went to stand near her, she turned away and lied down on the bed.

Junaid himself was in a pretty bad condition when he went near Afeefa. He had just gone to the prayer room in the hospital, offered two raka'at salah and cried his heart out. No one else was around as there was still time for the Dhuhr Aadhan. He felt a little better afterwards but he was still very much worried about his wife.

Not even a single tear had escaped Afeefa's eyes. It was not healthy to bottle up grief like that. She needed to cry. May be she's waiting to be alone, he thought. He couldn't even imagine how she might be feeling right now. He knew his own grief over the loss of their son was nothing compared to his wife's, the woman who had carried him inside her womb for 9 months. She had endured all the difficulties that came with pregnancy without complaining even once. She had been doing everything for the moment when she would finally see their child and hold him, alive. They had never thought of their child's departure from dunya.

Junaid would have done anything to take his wife out of her current misery. He couldn't stand the lifeless look in her eyes. It made him want to cry out loud. Had she cried, or screamed, it wouldn't have hurt him so much. You wouldn't expect any less from a mother who has lost her child. But all she gave were blank stares and hollow smiles which tugged at his heart painfully. He was scared she was losing it. It happens right? Some people do cross the borderline of sanity at such times.

He made a quick du'a in his mind as he sat himself on the bed. As he started to stroke Afeefa's forehead, he sensed his mother-in-law leaving the room and closing the door behind her. Grateful for the privacy, he pulled Afeefa into a sitting position and put his arms around her in a tight embrace. When she didn't respond, he sighed inwardly and pulled back to look at her eyes. She was staring at the wall behind him. Junaid felt tears pricking his eyes as he pulled her to his chest and stroked her back. He decided to try his last choice. He took out his phone and played the recitation of Surah Yusuf while still holding Afeefa in his arms. He felt her stiffening in his arms and was happy for the reaction. When it reached the ayah wa tawalla 'anhum wa qaala yaa asafaa 'alaa yusuf wabyadhat 'aynaahu minal huzni fahuwa kadheem (And he turned away from them and said, "Oh, my sorrow over Yusuf," and his eyes became white from grief, for he was [of  that] a suppressor.) Afeefa suddenly broke down crying and Junaid stopped the recitation and held her close as she cried into his chest. She finally hugged him back and Junaid felt his own tears flowing freely.

It was several minutes later that Asma entered the hospital room to find her daughter sitting near Junaid with tear stained eyes. She muttered an Alhamdulillah under her breath and let out a sigh of relief. It was disturbing to watch Afeefa grieving without crying a single tear for her baby. Only Allah knew how much her daughter loved kids and it was heartbreaking to watch her lose one even before she could cherish motherhood.

Junaid stood up as Asma approached them, "I'll go and get some food for us."

"I'm not hungry. Don't get me anything," Afeefa called out from where she sat, her voice croaky from all the crying.

"You haven't eaten anything since morning!" Asma exclaimed, and Junaid nodded.

"You are eating, Afi. No more talks about it. Bye. Assalamu'alaikum."

Glossary:

Du'a : Prayer

Fajr Salah : First of the five compulsory prayers offered at dawn before sunrise

Isha Salah: Last of the five compulsory daily prayers offered at night

Ayatul Kursi: The Verse of the Throne. It is verse 255 of the second chapter of th Noble Qur'an.

Jannah: Heaven

Janazah prayer: Islamic funeral prayer; a part of the Islamic funeral ritual

Raka'at: Consists of the prescribed movements and words followed by Muslims while offering prayer

Dhuhr Aadhan: The call for the mid-day prayer

Surah Yusuf: 12th chapter of the Noble Qur'an that delves into the story of Prophet Yusuf (Alaihi Salam)

Ayah: Verse

Alhamdulillah: Praise and thanks be to Allah

Assalamu'alaikum: Peace be upon you