Undying Love (A Jily Fanfiction)

Chapter 38: The Greater Good...or not?

            Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.

~Hermann Hesse

When James woke up, his head throbbing. The sun was already rising, but he didn't take his time to enjoy the beautiful sunrise, even though he knew he might not see a lot of them in whatever remained of his life.

Snape's words burned into his head. What did he mean? All the planning to get to him, and at the last, crucial moment Snape didn't even kill him?

Unless there was a bigger plan at work...

He pinched his nose hard, trying to keep a clear head. He needed to get to Lily. Whatever the Slytherins were planning, he didn't like it.

Hurriedly, he made his way to the Great Hall, only to find it littered with bodies in either black or Hogwarts school uniforms. Hastily, he scanned the slowly decreasing crowd for a flash of red hair.

He kept his eyes peeled for his best friends too, and felt a tremendous weight lifted off his chest when he didn't find them.

But there was still a chance... he tore past students in white carrying stretchers to the hospital wing.

"I'm looking for a friend of mine. Red hair, green eyes, about this tall, have you seen her?" He asked anyone he could see.

"Excuse me, have you seen the head girl?"

The hospital wing was a tragic sight. People were mostly either dead or dying. Some had people crowded over them, he envied them. How many people would miss him when he was gone?

Certainly not Lily.

"Have you seen Lily?" He finally saw a familiar face - Marlene's. She shook her head absent-mindedly, her eyes puffy from crying.

"You think I know?" She shouted back, but it was nothing against the loud wailing of the whole Hospital Wing's inhabitants. "Go find her yourself, she's your girlfriend!"

He recoiled in shock. As he followed Marlene with his eyes, he could see why she was crying so much. She had almost immediately collapsed in Sirius' arms, sobbing. Lying on the bed right beside her was none other than Mary MacDonald. Her body was covered in a blanket, but he could still see her tag. For a moment, he thought it was Lily, and his heart almost stopped.

I have to find her. He vowed to himself, and ran out of the hospital, almost tripping over air.

He very literally bumped into her outside the Hospital Wing, making her drop her bowl of hot water and blanket. She immediately bent over to mutter the reparing spell and to soak up the water, showing no sign that she had seen him.

"Lily, I'm-" He wasn't sure what to say, but the words came tumbling right out of his lips. "Sorry."

"Don't." She said, showing that her restraint was wearing thin.

"No, really. I-"

"James," she said quietly. He had always liked her saying his first name, but it was the first time she sounded so tired saying it. "I don't want to talk about it."

Mary, right. But that wasn't what he wanted to talk about, was it?

"Lily, just listen. I didn't meanto hurt you-"

"Yeah, right. And Mary's not dead." She closed her eyes shut for a brief second and balled her hands into fists beside her. "What's done is done."

"I'm sorry about her, I really am, but-"

"No," she said suddenly, with a fierceness that drove him back. "You listen. Where were you?" She was at the edge of crying, he knew her.

"I was... at the astronomy tower."

"Well, then why in the name of Merlin were you at the astronomy tower in the first place," she shouted. "Mary died. And she wouldn't have if you'd been there! Looking after Peter's ratty ass was your responsibility, not Mary's! She. Wouldn't. Have. Died. You killed her! Her blood is on your hands!" She was screaming now.

"I...I didn't... I didn't mean to." How was he supposed to explain his stupid decision to ever trust the Slytherins?

"You weren't there. Why weren't you there?" She screamed, making a few passers-by turn their heads toward them. "You were supposed to be there." She clung onto his shirt, crying. "And now Mary's gone."

Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around, comforting her like a mother would a child, but he didn't speak delusions. "Mary's gone to a better place now," he tried to reassure her.

"Maybe there is no better place," she murmured. "Maybe she's lost to oblivion."

"And maybe, just maybe," he said in a hushed voice. "She's far happier than she could ever be. We'll never know."

"You know, for one second I thought maybe you were playing a trick for me, under the stupid, stupid belief that you should protect me or save everyone." She wiped her eyes and loosened his grip on her shoulders. "But when you didn't show up, I- I should go."

"Maybe you should," he said without emotion, but his heart was raging, every cell and muscle in his body telling him to tell her the truth, that he never stopped loving her, that he'll never stop loving her. "Go check on Marlene or something, she's in a pretty bad shape."

"Goodbye, James." She managed a weak smile. "Still friends, right?"

"Always."

A/N: Before you go dropping death threats in the comments, I geel obliged to tell you I planned to keep them apart, but that would be an incredibly un-Lily/James-ish thing to do:)

And I think I have writer's block, will be taking a short break, please miss me😂