The Suicide Diary || Phan

1

My best friend, Philip Michael Lester, hung himself on February 20, 2016.

It was a surprise to all of us. All of us, meaning me, his mother, and his brother. His father passed a year before.

Phil didn't leave a letter. He didn't leave a warning of any kind.

Nothing.

For what we knew, he was resting in his room one second, and the next he was hanging from his ceiling.

You never would have guessed that Phil had it in him. The urge to take his own life. The sudden feeling to just end everything all at once.

He was too happy. That might have been it. He was too happy, and no one ever questioned him or ever asked if something was wrong.

Because nothing ever was. He was always fine. Smiling. Laughing. You would think he was happy.

I guess not.

I thought he would tell me. I thought he would have opened up to me, maybe told me what is really going on behind those sparkling blue-green-brown eyes.

It's too late now.

I cried.

It was not the normal sniffling cry, where you occasionally sniffled and sometimes a hiccup would come out as you wiped the tears. It wasn't the ugly cry, where you sobbed and sobbed until you couldn't breathe, then furiously wiped your tears away before throwing something. It was the silent cry, where you said nothing as tears slipped down your cheek. You don't move, you don't talk. You just sit, and let the tears come down until it's over.

That was my way of letting it all out. That, and locking myself in my room for hours on end.

I didn't think Phil would ever think of something like that. To kill himself. But, in a way, I do. I do think that. When you are so known for always being happy, it isn't easy to try to tell someone how sad you may be. I just wish he could have at least came to me for help instead of ending it like this.

I could think of things to help him and his problem on why he hung himself, but that's the thing.

No one knows why he did it.

And I am determined to find out who or what stopped my ray of sunshine from shining.

•••
First chapter! Yay! Is this good? I don't know. Let me know! Don't be afraid to correct me on something or give me constructive criticism, I don't mind it. I need it. Just don't be rude. :)

//PUBLISHED ON 9/7/16 @ 6:16 AM.\\

I love you my beautiful pandas!
-Kay xx