Legendaries and How They Think of Their Trainers

Yveltal

You know that thing on the internet where that guy goes "YOU CAN'T STAY IN THERE FOREVER!!" Well that is what my mind is screaming at me at this moment in time. I am stuck in a small purple ball for the rest of my life. I chuckle when the humans put in the pokèball description that it comfortably encapsulates the target. So far I am squished and I cannot breath. One day, humans, one day you will be living in a ball to suffer, then we'll see how comfortably encapsulated you are. Now all you readers of my journal out there are probably wondering how I was so perfectly caught in here anyway, so here you go.

So I'm out in the forest having a grand old time destroying literally everything before Xerneas gets back. When he does, he simply says "Ugh...Yveltal, Yveltal, just...ugh." I'm like "what, you got a problem with me being who I am?" Then he gets up on his hind legs, kicks his front hooves like a pony and says "THIS IS THE LAST GOD DAMN STRAW!!!" Then he waves his little girly hooves in the air and tries to I don't know, signal a helicopter or something, but I fly away before he can even attract a Pidgey. He hasn't come back since so I suspect he was gone, long within the clutches of a trainer.
Thank. freaking. God. No more pony deer things.

His antlers, his antlers too! They glow when he fights something, like me. At least the Pokemon Company made Pokemon E rated or else I would be bleeding to death when Zerneas slams his massive horns into my body. It's a miracle he stays on his four legs without face planting by how much those antlers weigh. Then of course we have moon blast and all this cheery kawaii rainbow moves which he uses. Then dazzling gleam and flash and all that crap. All of it is finally in another trainer's hands for them to keep. I love how people don't give a shit when there is a shiny Xerneas, but when a shiny Yveltal enters the picture people are like "WOAH, NOW THAT'S A SHINY!" This place in your pitiful, Pokemon free world called...GameStop, is it? Yeah, they were offering a shiny Xerneas and barely anybody cared.

Now with that ripoff of Arceus gone, I get to destroy literally everything. Destruction will have to find a new name, and that name is Yveltal. But then, I think, who will stop me? Who will be there to tell me it's the last god damn straw? I begin laughing hysterically. Nobody, that's who. I can finally be who I am without him here. People will bow to my name. Yes. YES! I can feel the Oblivion Wing power surging. My ability to cause mass destruction can not even be matched by the sun and moon legendaries!

But seriously though, I have to kill Arceus. I just...I have to. Then I will be the ultimate destroyer of worlds. Arceus, I'm coming for your butt in the clouds. YOU CAN'T STAY IN THERE FOREVER!!

********

Okay. Okay, let me explain. I went up there, right? Arceus was having a tea party...with Xerneas! My mind was blown, so I went up there, screamed like a hawk and broke the table. Yeah, um...I'm currently falling from the sky straight into a sharp precipice that could end my life and then, and then get this. A pokèball is shot in my direction and caught me. Now because it caught me off guard, don't be calling my a weakling or anything (mostly because I would obliterate your freaking life into ash) but I was caught on the first try. It didn't even give two shakes before I gave up and let it catch me. Xerneas and Arceus were freaking laughing their asses off. I was like "no thank you, bitch." So I screamed from the air hole in the ball "WHO IS THIS HUMAN ABOMINATION WHO TRAPPED ME IN HERE!?!?"

Not a freaking sound. Like, hello? Where the heck are you right now? I look to my left swiftly and see Xerneas and Arceus using pokèmon abilities to hold teacups as they fly back up to heaven. They are such dicks, I swear.

Now you're probably thinking this is the end, right? No. The freaking destruction lord never is taken by a stupid human with a ball. So, keeping that in mind, I escaped. I know it breaks the laws of physics and all but do you think the Pokemon company had physics on their side when they made Palkia the embodiment of space only to come to earth? Exactly, see? So I go up in a disguise of a monocle and you know, a top hat because destruction has to look dainty, and I swear to god when I got up there I almost threw up because right there was the most Victorian looking pants I have seen on Xerneas's ass. They were all puffy and stuff too, like who wears those?

"Heyyy guys, mind if I sit down?" I ask as I invite myself in. Arceus hesitates when I sit down and almost break the puffy cloud they sit on. "Only if you do not break anything." Arceus says in a dainty British accent. I'm gonna have to keep saying dainty in case Xerneas reads this, aren't I? My wings naturally curve around Xerneas and Arceus's necks. They cringe and back away.
"Hey, where are you going guys?" My voice sounded so sinister and smooth I thought I was a snake, so I played the part. "Are you worried your tea is gonna get COLD??" At that moment I splashed hot tea across Arceus's face. He screeched like a banshee and Xerneas ran like hell so I followed.
"You are the stupidest, funniest and craziest asshole in the world." Xerneas says to me as we jump and fly from the cloud. I saved a teacup of tea under my top hat and managed to balance it, so I splashed some on Xerneas as well, burning his face. I laugh as I watch him fall to the ground.
"Ha ha, now we'll see who's laughing about who!" I shout over my wings flapping. I'm about to use oblivion wing when Arceus screeches and another pokeball hits my face.

*********

So far after that incident the world has seemed to go back into peace. But not until I make my great esca- ah, forget it. Xerneas has recovered from the face burn, Arceus has recovered but is still pissed off and my trainer is this annoying kid with a British accent. How lovely. But the good part about this whole experience is that my top hat didn't get splashed with tea. Till next time we meet, old chap.