Legendaries and How They Think of Their Trainers

Kyogre

Credit to PhycoFox on deviantart for the really stunning artwork!

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They think I was inspired by a killer whale. Well.
Does a killer whale scream like a five year old? No, they sound at least normal. Killer whales don't have to worry about Groudon coming up from his lava hot tub shouting "will you stop screaming like your having children!?" My point exactly. Killer whales don't have to worry about a long green flying snake from God coming down and hitting us both and telling us to go away. My. Point. Exactly. But one thing they do have to worry about that I apparently don't is having oxygen in the ocean. I can stay in there and sleep my ass off all day while killer whales have to go up saying "oh god, I need air." I guess I do have some advantages. For a five year old.

If you ever get on the Internet and look up "Kyogre fanart" you'll actually get art that makes me look pretty damn awesome. Groudon, not so much. I don't know if it's his weight or something but man, it's so much worse on stuff like M.S paint or something. Rayquaza surpasses us both though. That guy, I swear to God has en entire fan base on his name and all he has to do is kick our butts and fly back up, sleep for a thousand something years until someone does a ritual and he comes back down. If only I could hold a good namesake like Jesus's snake pet or something. Anyway, let's talk about yesterday. Yesterday was like, shit day or something. I dunno, just it was really bad in terms of me and Groudon.

By the way I am not stretching the truth so in other words. Blame. Groudon.

Okay, so it was turning out to be a nice day, like the usual, kids were playing in my pool but didn't even recognize my square of water until I felt some sort of power aura surging through somewhere. Of course, being the power crazy dimwit I was since, like, yesterday, I followed it, and who did I expect to see there other than my good pal Groudon, creating lava pools every time he jumped for that stupid orb. What was the evolution called again, oh, primal evolution. This thing was the bomb. It was so crazy powerful that even Rayquaza didn't have it. So, to make that heavenly lord jealous, I took it, and the war began. Of course, Rayquaza had been building his own fire and beat us to it with mega evolution, which actually really changed his appearance. Even afterwards, while I'm having that primal evolution he still looked cool as hell. There just wasn't any way of beating him. There was literally, physically no way.

Thunder and lightning was everywhere, land was being built and clouds were swarming. At first, I didn't think Rayquaza was coming. I thought he finally gave up and continued his hibernation.

Well. Was I wrong about that.

His mega evolution was so awesome I almost wanted to kill myself with jealousy. There were, like, orange and yellow power surging streamers coming from the side of his head and he had axes on both sides of his jaw. He was, truly, the killing machine. Anyway, he basically stole both of our orbs, smacked our asses, and told us to go away. So we did. Then he did his victory screech and flew off. Yes, I call it a screech. After he left, I don't think things were the same.

Groudon thought power was now stupid, and compassion was the right thing. In that situation, I slapped him and told him to stop being sappy and stupid. I guess, even so, I would have to say the same for me. I don't know, just new power is being invented for pokèmon every day and it all, somehow traces back to us three, the Hoenn Trio. I just don't want to be involved in it anymore. Plus, I keep having nightmares about the water elemental coming and attacking me. It would say something like "Kyogre, I am being weakened by water because of you. Stop freaking dumping thunderstorms." Then I would be like "Water Elemental, I can't control when I dump thunderstorms. That's your job, you lazy bum. Now shove it up your ass and let me sleep in peace."
I mean, it's fun to diss an elemental like that, but then it starts chasing after me to kill me which isn't fun. Anyway, enough about my nightmares. I'm wondering if Rayquaza has nightmares. This guy must sleep every day, all day. I bet he doesn't get nightmares when he's the king of Hoenn, the legendary hero of all humans, but you never know. Hey, what if he dreams about, I don't know, riding on that one special trainer into space and blasting an asteroid or something? I don't know, I'm thinking off the top of my head here. If that does happen though, God, he is lucky he's so popular.

A little petty kid came into my domain today. So the little alarm sounds in my head that says "shit, Team Aqua again" and I get up from my slumber. Just when I think it might be Team Aqua again, it turns out to be a kid named Brendan. What the hell, man? I might as well go back to sleep or get a lawn chair or something. This boy has nothing but water and grass types, so it wasn't hard to get him to leave. He came back though with Jesus. Yes, Jesus. This kid had done a link trade and got an Arceus, which he absolutely destroyed me with. So once he finally got what he wanted, he managed to catch me on like, the third or fourth pokèball throw, which sucked. Now I can't kick Groudon's butt.

I was through with working for this kid halfway through the experience, since he made me use one move and one move only, which was ice beam. Just imagine using ice beam all day long with no sleep, food, or even change of moves. It sucked ass. Eventually he let me go to the sea for a bit and swim around, which was nice. It was peaceful, actually, well until I saw Groudon and Rayquaza hanging out. They both gave me a stare, then Rayquaza flew away and Groudon disappeared. I sighed. I personally think they're just jealous.

Eventually I lay down on a rock to...sunbathe, I guess? If whales can do that. I'm kind of happy now that I think of it that I'm not a killer whale. All I'm gonna say though is the Pokèmon Company is very creative when it comes to making legendaries. I can live fine on water and land, which killer whales can't. I get to meet cool people too, sometimes. Brendan is playing with his Marill in the sand. It's cute because they're throwing sand at each other, then washing it off in the lake. Eventually he comes over to join me, but almost drowns so I help him up. He sits on my back for a bit, smiling almost as bright as the sun. It was kind of cute, I have to admit. Maybe he's not that bad. When the other two went back to the beach, I began swimming back until I heard something light land behind me. When I looked back, I wasn't really surprised.
"Kyogre." He said.
"Deoxys."