Trust Me (An Islamic Love Story)

Chapter 36

I would have never imagined that Azar, out of all people, is saying it though. Today truly has proven to be miraculous. Instead of a snarky remark, I resort to, "I know."

I realize that we have stopped somewhere. "Umm, why are we stopping here?" I ask, eyeing the surroundings.

"I have to go to the office; Mis–someone–Mishal is waiting there." Without saying another word, he gets out.

Was Azar telling the truth that he and Mishal broke up in school? His reason to marry me, all of this plan, starts from the two breaking up. Why did Mishal leave him? If she dumped him, and if she truly messed him up, why would he work with her?

Even if I assume Azar is telling the truth and their relationship is nothing, but business now, Mishal's attitude towards me and her assertions about her relationship with Azar contradicts what Azar told me today. Does he not know she loves him? Or is he right that she doesn't? What about his own feelings? Does he still love her?

Who do I believe in? Azar or Mishal?

I push away the thoughts when he returns and starts driving. "It is hard to trust me, isn't it?" He asks almost bitterly, and I peek at him, but his eyes are glued to the road.

"I can't say otherwise," I admit with a shrug.

"I guess that's fair enough," he sighs. "Ask," he says after a few minutes.

"Excuse me?" I pretend to not understand.

"Ask me about it." I don't. With a sigh, he explains anyway, "Mishal and I are acquaintances now. We are collaborating on a startup, and well, if my project is approved and is a success, I will be able to establish my own business."

"Does it even matter?" I ask him instead.

"Can't I just have a normal conversation?" His question takes me off guard.

"Azar, nothing, absolutely nothing, between us is ever normal."

I can tell Azar holds back his words, and just like that, our conversation ends. I look outside and notice that we are passing by my favorite route. The trees lined up sway in the wind as if whispering to me to leave everything behind, and become a part of nature; leave behind my cruel mind. Yet the trees are unable to stop the thoughts that run through my head. I wish I could just pause, at least, and breathe, but they run on, running over me too. I can't stop thinking about how he looked at me, how he held me and how calm I felt as he did.

Why would Azar comfort me?

Sympathy.

I mentally huff as the word crosses my mind. That is all there is.

It is strange and shocking, to say the least, that Azar has told me something. Not his past, but something about himself. And what made him? Sympathy.

How could someone who hates you have sympathy for you? Maybe I'd never know how. Maybe I'll just take a divorce and leave forever to never look back.

"What if I see the nightmare again?"

"Then I'll be here; by your side."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

The vivid moment comes back to me uninvited, and as much as I try to not think about it, the more I do. Why did he promise? It wasn't necessary. He could have brushed it off. Or maybe, he thought I was too weak to handle a no, and maybe I was. Maybe I am weak. Maybe that's why Azar said what he said about being strong to just give me fake consolation. Maybe that's the reason I can't forget Raheesh. Maybe that's the reason I am here with the man who I never wanted to be with and yet am not willing to leave.