Destiel/Sabriel Oneshots

Excerpt of a Book He'll Never Write part one {Sabriel}

{To make this chapter more immersive, listen to the song I'll Be Good by Jaymes Young}

Sam Winchester was always a sucker heartthrob. He always dreamt of the perfect relationship, like the ones he'd read about on Tumblr and Reddit. Or like the photos he'd see on Twitter and Instagram, the cliches he'd watch on television. 'If only,' he thought.

If anybody knew anything about a broken heart, it was also Sam. The songs he'd hear play on the radio suddenly became surreal. When he was happy, he'd simply enjoy listening to the music. But when you've had your heart broken, the song suddenly makes sense, and you understand it completely.

Take some random love song you'd hear on the radio. To the average listener, it's just a song worthy of a classy carpool sing-a-long. Emotionally detached, correct? But to one who has had their heart broken, it is a song preached about, cried to, even. Each lyric of every line suddenly felt never so truthful.

And here Sammy was, yet again, writing a collection of sob-stories. The "excerpts of a book he'll never write," as he likes to refer to his Tumblr page as. While quite pathetic, people seemed to enjoy reading them just as much as he enjoyed typing them. Above all, it felt therapeutic, despite it all being an illusion.

~~~~~

I am not an artist. I do not write stories that people will remember as they grow old and read to their children or their children's children. I am simply a person who logs onto a laptop that is possibly four years out-of-date and I create a fantasy. A life of my own in which I cannot live out in the real world. An illusion in which I can only dream about during my many nights of sleeplessness. That is the kind of person I am.

Before I can even begin to dream, however, I feel the need to quote a personal favourite quote of mine from a book I read as a young teen. I'm sure many of you have read it while a movie was on the way. Or maybe you haven't read it and you're just the kind of person that watches a movie with no prior knowledge to the storyline other than what you were able to gather from those inescapable thirty-second trailers on YouTube.

Aside from the point, the quote that comes to mind is, "I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, then all at once."

I think of this quote for the same reason you associate Summer with endless waves of heat or Autumn as the leaves turn orange and it's back to school; It's a reminder. Like a Yin and Yang type of deal in a sense. With that said, let me tell you about my love story...

It was late Winter going into early Spring. Our final year of middle school wasn't quite finished yet and the only thing I had to survive the hellish last months were my Skype friends. They were my close friends from school that I felt comfortable enough with to be myself, no matter how embarrassing it all seemed to look back at. For privacy reasons, I won't give out their real names, so let's just refer to them as Dean, Castiel, and Luci.

Dean is basically my best friend. He's the one I go to for everything, and I do the same in return. He's like a brother to me, and our bond has us practically inseparable. We're the Merideth Grey and Christina Yang of this story.

Castiel was a close friend of ours, though his bond with Dean was a bit strange at times. They're close, but it always seemed like there was something there. A non-platonic type of spark that Dean would constantly deny whenever I'd ask about it. They're pretty gay together, to put it bluntly.

And finally, Luci. He was funny, charming, and I found myself constantly grinning eye to eye whenever I talked to him. Cas and Dean would always tease the both of us, questioning when we'd finally get together. Luci always seemed slightly flustered by it but would play along with the joke as if he weren't serious. I knew he liked me, I just didn't realize I felt the same.

See, at the time, I was in and out of various irrelevant relationships just as quick as I was from season to season of different Netflix series. I was on a quest to search for the perfect romance. Granted, the perfect romance was not on a quest in search of me but in fact, the opposite. It was running the opposite direction and avoiding me altogether.

"I don't see why you and Luci haven't given it a shot yet," Dean humoured in yet another one of our endless Skype calls, "I mean, you're both single; you're both strictly into dick; my boy is loyal; What seems to be the issue...?"

As per usual, Luci laughs and shoots back with a wink, "Yeah, Sammy, why don't we just date already? I'm cute, you're cute. We'd be cute." I snort into the camera.

"Puh-lease," I exaggerate, "You? A good boyfriend? No way in hell!" He fakes a gasp.

"I take offence to that. I'd be an amazing boyfriend!" I proceed to laugh my ass off.

Cas bursts into the conversation, groaning, "I swear, if you two don't get together soon, I will claw my eyes out from seeing you two eye-fucking each other constantly."

"You're on to talk about sexual tension, fuckin' hypocrite," Luci remarks, wiping away at his tears of hysterics.

"At least I had the common sense to claim what's mine. You two refuse to accept the simple truth! You're into each other!"

Cas has a point.

And so, it all began. My desperate, hormonal, love-craving ass just had to keep flirting with Luci until we finally got somewhere.

I used to think that the way he'd treat me was what I deserved because it was what society would see as "relationship goals". When the cold truth is: It wasn't.

Each night, I often found myself upset at Luci for the same handful of reasons...

"Baby, I love you. You know that, right?" I asked him in one of our Skype calls that had grown to become very rare.

"Yes, of course I do," he said, barely turning his attention from the Xbox, "Why?"

"I don't know. It just sometimes feels like you don't feel the same sometimes..." I began, though I knew better than to talk while he was so focused on his game.

"Mhm..."

It was then when I suddenly realized that I was unhappy. I'd talk to Dean about it frequently-- every night, if I'm being honest. Every time I'd speak, he could hear the pain in my voice. I was stranded on a sinking boat in an ocean of tears that brought me back to Luci every time. Yet I was too afraid of allowing this ship to sink, so I just kept patching up the holes with bandages in hopes of holding on just a little while longer.

"Can I give you some advice?" Dean had asked me, "If you find yourself crying about this same shit every night, as much as I hate to say it, I think you need to let him go, Sammy."

I knew he was right, but I wished to God he wasn't.

"How do I even begin to fix this?"

"I think you already know what you need to do."

"Dean, he won't return my calls or text messages. He doesn't make plans to hang out anymore. And above it all..." I breathed, "I don't think he loves me anymore."

At that very moment, I had bursted into a river of tears. It all hit me suddenly, like a tidal wave. And once I was done, I sent him the text.

I have been avoiding this for the longest time, but I don't think I can keep going. You say you love me, but your neglection says otherwise. I know you can see my calls. I know you've read my texts. I know that all those times you said you were busy were just you making excuses not to talk to me. You may say I'm wrong, but we both know that isn't true.

Sent.

The answer's simple: Are you with me out of love or obligation? I can't keep doing this same routine of being left hanging.

Sent.

If you want me to stay, then say something. I don't care what, but just say something. If you don't, then I'll leave you alone. I hope you choose to make me stay.

Read at 13:56.