Jaspar One-Shots

•Doubt•

I did it, like its a mess, but i did it.

Part 2 to stressed out so if you haven't read that you should probably read that first. I thought hey why not use another TøP song. Enjoy.
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Joe's POV

I can't stand looking at myself right now. I peered slowly t the mirror across from my bed, but as soon as my face came into view, I threw myself back onto my bed in disgust. All I could imagine was the dark circles forming under my eyes or how sunken in my eyes and cheeks actually were. Why bother to look after myself when I couldn't take care of the people I am supposed to care about.

The one thing that I was scared of more then myself was my immaturity. I couldn't have thought of my roommate and best friend for one second before I went off at him for doing nothing at all, and look where it had gotten me.

To be fair that was the problem in the first place. Caspar doing nothing, none the less my reaction was unnecessary and I couldn't stand myself. I couldn't stand the small flat I currently resided in, in central London where it actually felt like the walls were closing in on you. Due to all the structural problems, I wouldn't be surprised if they really were. It was dark, cold, rundown and you could hear every car, dog and drunk wandering outside the window.

I had grown tired of staring at the growing spot of mould on the roof hours ago and decided that I needed a walk. Scared that I had ruined everything, I began pacing, searching around for anything that would distract me form the uncertainty of not seeing anyone I loved ever again.

Over dramatic? Maybe. But I couldn't find it in my sleep deprived self to care.

It wasn't until two minutes later when I was well down the street that I noticed actually how cold and dark it had grown outside while I was moping around inside. Fear was growing, taking over every thought in my mind. Fear only ever leads to anxiety.

Since moving out from the flat, which had been my home and place of comfort for so long, I hadn't stopped thinking of him. Why hadn't he called me? Or why hadn't I called him. Were we both not ready to face each other and talk it out? Maybe he was doing fine without his best friend around. What if he got a new one?

I knew all these questions were dumb, but I couldn't answer them on my own and there was only one way to do that.

I bet Caspar had questions for me. What had gotten me into this mood where I had snapped so bad that I got up and left? How could the only thing on my mind be money?

I probably had a better chance at answering the first questions.

I was about one mile away from my house by this point when a whole new set of questions came to mind.

Why was Caspar finding it so easy to upload when I procrastinated filming every week? I watched his videos to find him smiling and laughing, with not fake smile at all. I can tell if it is.

What was Caspar up to?

None of their mates had heard from either of them. Oli tried calling saying that Caspar wasn't answering and I was his best friend so I must know. After that, poor Oli got hung up on and ignored.

What Jaspar mischief could we be up to right now if I hadn't left? Just because Caspar wasn't taking things seriously! Now I was the one who couldn't even look at a camera of video without mentally slapping myself. Caspar was still uploading, being creative, and being serious about his career. I was just living in a bubble of unexplained hiatus. Just great.

Lastly and probably most daunting, came the question; what would be come of them?

"Don't forget him." I whisper to my self.