Mirror

Don't, Forget About Me

"I know there may be universes out there where I made different choices and they led me somewhere else, led me to someone else. And my heart breaks for every single version of me that didn't end up with you."

― Taylor Jenkins Reid, Maybe in Another Life

"It's been two months now since you've been gone and I'm still not sure what to do without you. Our finals are coming up soon and everyone is stressed, well almost everyone, smarty pants Jaqueline has been as cool as ice. I wonder how it'd feel to be so smart. But anyways, my mum is still sick, I'm even going to visit her after I'm done here, wherever she is. My dad came back for a short while, I know, weird, right? He came, stayed over for two nights and then left two days after before I even woke up. I don't know why but I was expecting more from him, it's like I'm just his responsibility not his child, no more, no less. It sucks but I guess these were the cards we were dealt with by some cosmic power, whoever he is." Michael cast an accusing look upwards towards the hospital ceiling. He hated hospitals, always had and always will. The sharp smell of antiseptic entered his nose, threatening to make him gag. The fluorescent light cast a weird ethereal look on Idunu's face, she looked peaceful, angelic even. She was wearing a polka dotted hospital gown and she was hooked to several machines that helped to keep her stable in her coma.

She looked more at peace asleep than she ever did when she was walking around, being the light in his life. He took her hand and he held it tight. For so long, he'd been in a whirlpool made of his own life, thrown and tossed around in different directions he had no control over. But Idunu held him down to a firm point, she was his anchor and he could not, would not, ever let her go. He held her hand to his mouth, kissed it and then closed his eyes. "I know how you felt about your life, I know that you thought you didn't mean anything but right now, I'm telling you no. You meant everything. So don't pretend as if the sun will still shine the same way, don't pretend like the birds will still sing normally, don't even for a second think that any of these things would be the same, if you weren't here to experience them with me. Don't pretend like I wouldn't cry myself to sleep for weeks if you were gone, wishing for you to come back. That's what I wanted to tell you today. Idunu, you are loved and you always have been, you were just looking in the wrong direction. So please, come back to me, back to us, there is so much more to life than what has happened. Just keep fighting and find your way back. Whenever you're in the dark and you're unsure of where to go, I'll be your light, I'll guide you through, all you have to do—all you ever had to do—was reach out to me."

He heard a faint sound behind him and he didn't even need to turn around to know it was time to go. "We need to run some tests on her, she's in a critical condition and you have to leave," the doctor said. Michael stood up solemnly, gave a nod to the doctor and proceeded to walk out. On his way, he snuck a last glance at Idunu, and sent a mental message to her, something akin to a prayer. Reach out to me, come back.

He walked out of the hospital and managed to avoid all the curious glances, he had made lots of visits here in the past few months. He stepped out of the dreadful institution and had to raise his hand up to protect his eyes from the glare of the sun. He smelt her before he even heard her voice. She smelt of almonds and pine, it was dull-sharp, bitter-sweet smell that always managed to captivate him over and over again, making every encounter feel like the first.

"How are you feeling?" Shiv asked. "You ready to go?" she said as she wrapped her arms around him in a bear hug. He hugged her back. Over the past few months, he and Shiv had gotten closer. Yeah, at first he hated her but God, the girl was persistent. One thing led to another and suddenly, she was the reason he didn't give into despair all this time while Idunu was gone.

He looked deep into her wide brown eyes, removed a stray lock of hair from her face and leaned in to kiss her. She was almost his height so he didn't have to bend that low. They stayed like that for what seemed like eternity but was probably only a couple of seconds. He broke off from the kiss and it felt like withdrawal, she had become so much of a part of him. He looked at his watch and was surprised to find that it was still early. "Yes, I'm ready to go, but you go on without me. I'll meet you at school." Shiv gave him a quizzical look that translated universally into, we both know something is bothering you but I'll give you your space.

The walk home was tumultuous and marred with memories of his life. He looked over at the tree under which Idunu had first told him about how she felt about her family and her life. He passed the junction where they first saw Idunu's dad cheating with Shiv's mother (that was something he hadn't really gotten around to talking about with Shiv). Every street seemed to tell a story of the past.

He entered the house and a familiar scent hit him, apple and peaches. A smell he had only smelt when he hugged his mother the last time he saw her. He stepped carefully into the house, wary of his steps. Something was wrong, he had practically been living alone here for about two months what with his dad coming in and out. He felt that someone was in the kitchen and he stalked towards it, slowly and silently. He was about to barge in when the alarm on his watch rang. He had to go now. He went upstairs, changed his clothes and got ready for school.

The odd thing about school? He no longer felt tired and exhausted, in fact every time he was with Shiv, he felt stronger, better. He felt like he could take on the world and any challenge it could throw at him. The school lessons passed like a blur and he was getting ready to go when he was stopped by a deep gruff voice.

"Michael, stay back for a minute," Mr James said. "I'd like to have a word." Michael shuffled on his feet nervously but stayed nonetheless. Mr James was a large man, he had a bald shaven head and a well-kept beard. He had glasses that housed intelligent eyes. Michael had never truly wondered about his teacher's age before but now, he suddenly looked very old. Mr James sat down and gestured to the opposite seat. "Take a seat." He ordered.

Michael sat down and waited. Mr James took a deep breath and spoke, "I've been monitoring you for some time now and you've been slipping in your academics."

"Yeah, I—," Michael said

"Let me finish," Mr James interrupted. "You're not the first to go through a rough patch and you're definitely not the last. I just want you to know something. I lost my father when I was very young and life spiralled downwards for me and my mother."

Michael was shocked to hear such an outburst from a teacher who had always seemed to dislike everything about him, but he still sat and listened.

"Through all those years, things never got better, it just seemed to clamp down even harder on me. I almost even considered killing myself once. But the thing is this, through all the time that I've lived, I can say that I've learned one thing. The problems in your life aren't going to disappear, your life is not going to get easier. We're not here to solve problems, problems are here to solve us. My life didn't get easier but I got stronger. Endure what is unendurable and just keep going, remember that the next time you're alone. Save yourself the number of wasted years I had."

Michael looked at him and was speechless, on the way home, he thought about those words and unbeknownst to him, he would remember them for the rest of his life.

We're not here to solve problems, problems are here to solve us.