Without Artifice

Chapter 9

Well, I had to admit.. that was one hell of a night. Even a few days later, I was still reeling from what'd happened there and then, and that was just with the stuff that I could remember. I stepped into the shower, mentally going through everything that happened that night in my head.

After apologising to Cassie for creating so much drama and mess (and giving her a gift basket full of her favourite beauty products as an extra present, including her favourite perfume, Chanel No 5) she was pretty chill about it, thank goodness.  

As for Lily, well... I apologised to her through a video call, and she accepted the apology, but from the look on her face I knew that she didn't really accept it. Fair enough - I did punch her in the stomach, even if she's an ignorant (and most likely racist) idiot that can't tell the difference from one Asian girl to another (because god forbid anyone ask, or not make assumptions). I did go a little too far, but on the other hand, she's one of those people that needs to wake up and realise that not everyone is fooled by her "relatable" facade. Okay, the video going around the internet of me punching her in the stomach certainly wasn't helping things, but still... (Who the hell filmed that, anyway?)

Then there was Jay. He either didn't remember what he'd said, or seemed to think I didn't remember what he'd said to me while I was wasted, but I definitely did. As much as I wanted to tell him to leave me alone, I knew Mr. Lee would never forgive me if I didn't keep him around - at least until after the movie was out, which I guessed would be released by next summer, much to my frustration.

I shouldn't have had so much to drink, but it was like... it was like I'd been transformed into what I used to be, just for one night. At least I didn't try to pick up any guys that night. Oh, wait... my face went red and I froze in place. I technically did that night, didn't I? 

That was the worst consequence of the party, really, even more so than the viral video of me punching Lily. Ever since I'd watched that memory, I'd felt so damned awkward around Kai. Now that it'd happened, it was like this comfortable peace we had, this quiet companionship, where we could curl up in bed or the sofa together and just enjoy each other's company, had been shattered. Of all the things I thought could happen between us, him kissing me wasn't what I expected at all. 

Okay, he'd given me a kiss on the cheek before, but I'd done it first, and a cheek kiss didn't necessarily mean romantic feelings. Back then, I would've said he was just curious, the way he always is, getting fixated on something that's brand new to him, just so he can file it away as another thing he's learned about. 

In a way, I envy that about him, that innocence, that willingness to step out into the world and find out everything that it has to offer. I guess the amount of bullshit I've been through has taken that desire away from me. But now... now there was a new side to him, just when I thought I'd figured him out, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to explore that with him. 

To be with him romantically, to be connected to each other in a new and more intimate way didn't sound bad. He was kind, funny, eager to learn and actually gave a shit about what I said and how I felt. In so many ways, he was wonderful.

Yet, there were still so many things I had to think about. Mainly, the whole robot thing. I was absolutely sure that he was self-aware, that wasn't the problem. The rest of the world didn't know that though, and if we got together, I knew full well I couldn't go public with this. He wasn't even a legal citizen - legal property, maybe - so I couldn't properly marry him or anything like that. While still being my bodyguard/assistant made things a little easier in the cover story department (if anyone asked about our closeness, that is), it made other things more uncomfortable.

I knew there was a skewed sort of dynamic between us, and because of that, if I had to break up with him for whatever reason, I'd have to either keep him close to prevent fallout or banish him entirely to protect him. Ideally, if we broke up we could still be close friends, but it would be hard for us to get away from each other when his whole life rotates around my own.