NYSM •Moments In Time•

Headcanon #7

"And you know how insanely happy she gets when she's drunk," Jack defends him by adding, "We just...wanted her to smile. All the other folks who applied; got the job...she was the only one left behind..."

Merritt just stood there, silent to the core. He ponders this while looking between the other two men. He swallows whatever swelled in his throat, knowing exactly what it's like to be told that you weren't good enough. He was shoved down by so many people, it was nearly impossible to get back up. But he did it. He's one of the very few people he's known to have ever gotten back up.

And he's seen what happens to those who give up. He didn't want that to be Logan.

The next morning, he got up early, knowing Logan would be waking to a hangover in the bathroom. He was there to hold her hair up then afterward offered her some water and meds. They sat there, side by side, leaning against the wall of the bathroom while staring into nothing. There was silence for almost an hour before Logan spoke with a groggy voice,

"...Ever had the world that you've built up ever since you were a kid come crashing down? And suddenly you just...feel like your only soul purpose of living is suddenly gone?"

Merritt only nods, taking off his hat while doing so, sighing and reaching out to clasp her hand in his.

"Yeah...when my brother took my whole world from me. It took years for me to recover myself in prison and get back up on my feet."

"I don't want it to take years..." She admits, "It hurts too much now for it to take years to recover..."

Merritt nods again, this time not saying a word as they reform back to silence. Logan felt as if the silence allowed her thoughts to darken and bring her into an abyss that she couldn't climb out of. It made her think way too much about things she wants to forget, and found her eyes grow hot and blurry. She feels the warm tears fall down her face as her lip quivered to forcefully keep the sobs back.

"No one ever told me it would be this hard to stand back up again..." She whimpered softly, letting a sob escape her while she shut her eyes, blinking back more tears. "I didn't think it would hurt this much..."

Merritt absentmindedly slips his arm over her shoulders and led her to sink into his embrace, letting her suddenly cry out into his shoulder. He fights the urge to pour his heart out with her. He couldn't believe that someone in their right mind would want to crush her dreams that made her into the person she is today. Logan is an uplifter, and to see an uplifter so broken and fragile and young makes him feel broken, too. She loved the world, and knew reality would bite her in the ass one day, but she never expected it to be so cruel to her so soon. Merritt could see the disappointment in her eyes, the disappointment of knowing how cruel the world works around young people who see nothing but the good in everything.

All he wants now is to punch whoever told her she wasn't good enough, because Logan is one of the few greatest people he's ever met, and he's lucky to have her in his life. Due to his age, he thought that it would set him apart from the other much younger and in love Horsemen. He thought that maybe the kids could relate to each other more than they could ever relate to him, so they might not acknowledge him much in their polyamory relationship. He was wrong, because the other four resided with him and never even dreamed of leaving him. Yes, he acts fatherly to them most of the time, but it's out of love for his boyfriends and girlfriends.

"Darling..." He starts off, "I know people tell you to always get back up in those inspirational stories you watch, but...the truth is it's harder than it looks. I know that you've always wanted to inspire other people while doing what you love and be able to tell them the exact same thing: to always get back up, and you can still do that. Just not the way you had in mind. These heists we're about to do...you'll be on television for days, but you'll be performing magic instead of filming movies. It's not exactly what you've hoped for but you can still get your message out there. Now I know...that you've made a ton of sacrifices in your life to get to where you are now, and life will throw rocks at you for doing so, but...this one little slip up doesn't have to effect how you continue. Yes, people say you're not good enough and I promise hundreds more will tell you the exact same thing, but you gotta keep trying. This was just one set back, and there will be plenty more. But don't quit now. Not when you're just getting started. You always tell everyone you're strong and you act brave to strengthen everyone around you, but on the inside you're fragile. You're sensitive. If one threat or comment comes your way, you have a hard time shielding all that hurt. I need you to be stronger than that. Don't throw in the towel now just because ONE person told you you weren't good enough."

Her sobs have turned into hiccups as he continued, "I don't want you giving up on life, that's not like you. Trust me, I had spent years in prison thinking the exact same thing you're thinking, and trust me it's not worth it. I probably would've ended it all but that day I got the card that led me to you four. I can't picture a life without you and the others in it...can you?"

She shakes her head, curling her whole body up into him now, his arms tightening around her, "You've got us now, Logan. At the lowest part of your life you found us and that wasn't a coincidence. We were put here to make sure you don't make that mistake of taking your life. You've got us and magic. Yes, your dream was taken from you, but maybe it's time to find a new dream? I did. My new dream is you guys. Please don't crush my dream, Logan."

She nods, "Okay...I'll try again..."

"That's my girl," he smiles slightly and leans over to kiss her temple, making Logan smile to herself, leaning against his touch for warmth and more inspiration. Merritt was her crutches, and he formed the path of her getting back up on her feet again.

((Hey guys, sorry that this chapter went a little off course from the title of it. A personal disaster had happened to me, a disaster similar to Logan's, and I guess I just needed to rant and pour my heart out on something. Stay tuned!))